Courtesy of the occasionally brilliant News Of The World, somewhere between You Couldn't Make It Up and They Did Make It Up... comes the tale of Jermain Defoe and his alleged extra curricular shenanigans with a piece of bra burdening white trash, Rachel.
The full story is HERE but my entire purpose in running this is to highlight two quotes.
"We'd normally only have usual sex Jermain was pretty freaky and talk about doing lots of kinky things I wasn't into"
" But I couldn't believe it when he drove right up my cul de sac"
Harry Hotspur is 15.