Friday, February 22, 2008

Newcastle Relaunch Relegation Bid


The Footballing Free World was shaken to it's foundations this afternoon, mostly with suppressed giggles, as the heavily snoozing giant of the North, Newcastle United, snatched tactical supremo Chris Hughton from under the very noses of er...

The audacious swoop came just hours after Toon Tsar Mike Ashley had polished off an extensive Owl Yows Con Eat Mun buffet in downtown eaterie Tigerat Mering with friend and stunt double and Paul Kemsley.

'Hahaha...*burp* erghhuh *coughs* , shhhhhut up. Nah, f*ck off I'm serious. Shhhh, it's ringing. Get us another one of them lamb things....*burp*, Christopher? Alright son, guess who?..."

Hughts has yet to publicly confirm the appointment, however it is thought that privately he has always had a soft spot for money. 'This is a match made in paradise,' said an insider, 'Chris is a coach with very limited talents and Toon is a fabulous place to hide on a massive salary.'

Kevin Keegan , amatuer football manager and fully qualified psychiatrist would only add that Paul Gascoigne being sectioned under the Mental Health Act could well be ' a turning point for him.' Other turning points presumably might then include contracting bowel cancer or becoming blind.

Manager of Staples Newcastle, Mr Y.I Pett, confirmed today recruiting extra staff for both their Clipboard and Pencil departments had begun, in earnest.


16 comments:

Cwoff said...

Ohh man, that's one of your best headlines Harry!

I hope Chrissy does okay though, he's never had anything but love for Spurs and I can only wish him well.

As for me, I'm always happy to pimp my own writing... I've done a rather huge preview of a certain cup final on sunday, have a read if you've got a whole pot of coffee and 15 minutes to spare :P

http://cwoff.com/blog/sport/football/2008-02-21/carling-cup-final-preview/

Anonymous said...

Lol.

Christopher said...

hehe! made me chuckle. they do seem very focused on losing every game from now till relegation dont they?

Anonymous said...

Very good.

Anonymous said...

It's easy and cheap to mock people...so here goes...Is Ramos the new, unimproved Jol? After the 2 legs against Sparta it's hard to say, and if we have another example of this type of Euro-trash on Sunday then Chelsea will only need to play 4-0-0-1 formation to win easily....then maybe you won't be so derisive about someone who tried his best for Spurs for so many years.

Anonymous said...

spot on harry , they are the biggest joke in the prem by far. people slated levy for ditching jol n hughton sacrificing them for a top coach n sidekick imagine having the twats that run their club in charge, would be riots! the thing that really makes me laugh tho is the way their fans will prob be pleased n flock to the ground to see him like they did with 90's football keegan!(unemployment must be high up there)totally thick mugs that deserve all they get!
bty
ps all the best to hughton may not be a world beating coach but yid through and through!

Anonymous said...

anon in case you havnt noticed we are actually in a final that to me is an improvement(ramos took a couple of months to pull that off, jol never managed it in nearly 3 yrs!)we didnt play great the other night but we are through(bet seville didnt play amazing every game ) just about getting through at this stage,players would of def had an eye on sun so job done, so whats ya prob bellend?

Anonymous said...

"Tried his best for so many years"
bit like ya love life with ya mrs then anon,try ya best but ultimately not good enough
prick

Anonymous said...

what a load of shit. cockney prick

Anonymous said...

did it take a long time to think of that comment ? don't tell us northern monkey its a major coup really isn't it? bit like carr

Anonymous said...

To all yids at wem ber ley on sun sing/shout n holler like never before from the minute ya get up on sun till the minute ya pass out wenever ,lets make the magic and show that they could give us 20,000 less tickets n we'd still out sing those plastic,nazi filth anytime ,anywhere!
come on you fucking lillywhites!!

sidyid said...

Brilliant.

valle said...

Lets see how far Spurs get sucked down after the honeymoon with Ramos is over, the team isnt good except for attack and the fans can only muster small fickle crowds.

Anonymous said...

why so much shtick for hughton? served tottenham to the best of his, albeit limited, abilities for two decades +. I've nothing but respect for the man.

Anonymous said...

lets see how far the dumb Geordie's get sucked down after the honeymoon period with keegan is over(what honeymoon?) there team is complete shit including attack and they only get big crowds because they are a one team city, n there fans are all thick doll bludgers

Anonymous said...

bit of friendly advice 6.21pm

If you call someone "thick", it's best not to misspell 'their' within the same sentence.

Good luck ;o)