Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Tottenham Hotspur vs Arsenal: That Arrest In Full


Premiership Football was rocked to its very foundations this morning. It only took three days for news that a full time self styled gangstar and part time Arsenal starlet was captured in possession of an offensive weapon.

Armand Traore, 17, alias 'The Sh-ad-ow', known to Interplod and North London Police alike as Mrs Traore's youngest was arrested outside WHL on Saturday.

Bert Scrunge, 71, THFC Steward and 'Fat, Dutch & Scuppered' Campaign Organiser was an eyewitness. 'The lad first caught my eye with a darting run down the left hand side of the Megastore. I knew he wasn't one of ours.'

'Next thing I know, he's getting all unnecessary, waving his arms and that shouting 'I ain't got no knuckleduster, copper!'

'Ever since Mr Levy, 27, started getting these horrific dreams where some people were gettin' into The Lane without paying twice we've stepped up security, so we searched him, found said Tooth Chipper and nicked 'im sharpish.'

Armand 'n Dangerous, 16, denied any wrong doing as he believed what Mr Wenger had told him when he had emerged from the container, that he was still in France.

It is believed the Arsenal wonderkid made a full apology.

'Yur, well, probably, we couldn't understand a bleedin' word mate...' added Mr Scrunge, 74.

Barry Costamonger, agent for Fabio Capello said his client had no comment to make at this time, although he hoped his client would be experiencing some dizziness in the very near future.






25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Harry, Your talking bollocks as usual I see!!!!

Tom The Yid said...

Jol OUT

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/315897919

Tom The Yid said...

By the way what is this article?? Armand Traore was nicked with a knuckle duster earlier? wasn't he going out with that Danielle Lloyd?? see her in Chingford sometimes she is a sort and a half. Not now if he's with her though...

Anonymous said...

Harry you legend! We love you! lol

dannyboy said...

hey hey hey you cant beat only fools and horses, you plonker!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha, good stuff.

What a pilchard that guy was. Suprised he didn't say 'is it 'cos I is black?'

No, it's because your a f*cking idiot mate.

Ian S said...

LOL. Nice one, Harry :)

Anonymous said...

On the Spurs website - you will see Jol talking bollocks (included below my views)

Notice the complete absence of the truth on why we are rubbish, but directly bellow are my views:

* lack of fitness i.e not lasting 90 mins - letting in too many goals after 70mins. What the hell is going on in training

* lack of keeping shape

* lack of closing down the opposition

* lack of making the righ subs in the right areas i.e midfield.

* huddelstone alright but too slow at this level

* lack of not killing off teams i.e Fulham.

* lack of knolwedge that we are rubbish at defend a lead by sitting back.

See below for Jols excuses:

Back at Spurs Lodge, Martin Jol offers his considered verdict on Saturday derby defeat at the Lane...

WE DIDN'T SCORE when opportunities presented themselves at crucial moments on Saturday and ultimately paid the price because you can never count out teams like Arsenal at just a goal down.

We worked well as a team and, for much of the game, nullified the threat from many of their players, stopping them performing to their maximum. It was very important to restrict them in their play and we did that, while we still had the chances to take advantage of the spaces that were there to exploit. It was incredibly disappointing the way the game panned out because we desperately wanted to get a good result against them and I felt that if we had scored a second goal before they responded it would have been over.

We didn't and we gave away a cheap goal to let them back into it and in defending set plays we have to do better.

Defending set pieces is about toughness as well, We have to teach them to develop a killer instinct in dealing with the threat. The same applies at the other end and you could say the difference between them and us on Saturday was that they were more confident in their finishing.

Dimitar Berbatov will do better next time and he has said that himself. He rounded the keeper and all he had to do was put the ball in the net, but he tried to beat another defender. He knows and Darren Bent knows that they are top players and, that being the case, they have to do better and I'm sure they will do.

Elsewhere we lost our shape and, against a team like Arsenal, if you don't keep four or five players behind the ball they will punish you and that is what happened when they got back into the game.

Our start is the same as last year and to get back on track we need good team work and to cut out the errors sooner rather than later because we don't have the time. We have to combine our development as a team with getting the right results and that is what we will do.

Jermain Defoe was not included in the squad, something which has since attracted a couple of headlines, but the reason was that including two strikers on the bench as I have done many times in the past did not offer a suitable balance of alternatives.

Aaron Lennon was available again and if I had named two strikers I couldn't have picked him, for example, and I also had to leave Adel Taarabt out. I can only have four outfield players on the bench and made the decision to name one striker, two midfield players - one wide and one central - along with a defender.

I felt it was necessary, and very practical, to go with one striker on the bench. What I said to Jermain was that they have to push each other and when he gets his chance he has to take it. It is very healthy for the squad.

I don't expect him to be happy about it, but I am not here to make people happy as I have to make tough choices. Like I said, I have named two strikers on the bench in the past, but it makes your job harder because you have to name a midfield player who can cover both wide and central positions. If you have more specific players like Taarabt, Lennon or Wayne Routledge available then you have to make different choices.

There are other players who will be disappointed, but the main advantage of this situation is that everybody must be on their toes for when they come back into the reckoning - which could be at any time.

Anonymous said...

harry i see ur still bitter from that spanking we gave ur team...

Harry Hotspur said...

Bitter?

Only towards our own lot for failing to deliver... again.

I like Arsenal.

They have provided generations
of Yids with comedy moments off the pitch.

Junkies, gamblers, drink drivers
and winos galore.

Our problem is we generally provide you with laughs on the pitch.


Ho hum.

sean k said...

spanking!!! lol!!! dont make me laugh woops i already have you just had more luck its not as if you could repeat a 30 yard screamer and adebayors goal 9 times out of 10 he would of put it out the ground, on the flip side we f**ked our finishing. on the whole you deserved it but we could of still beat you in second half and you know it as bad as we are (supposedly)

sean k said...

another thing stop going on about jol out we need to fix the main problems we see ie fitness, set pieces, defending, they are down to him and the players and dont improve overnight so have a little patience and then maybe you can snap cos i know i will!!

Jake Fllesinc said...

I usually don't have a problem, with having a joke at the arsehols.. but the way i've seen 'some' blog sites take this piece of news, and the direction the joke/insult/opportunity leaves a bad taste in the mouth for true supporters who are trying to uphold a decent image and reputation FOR, rather then agains t the club.

I thought you would have understood this too Harry, even as a joke.. damnit.

I wish you hadn't bothered, and just left it to the amateurs..

Harry Hotspur said...

Jake:

Bad taste?

No worse than a pop song about deformaty.

Got any Rolf Harris?

jolsgonemental said...

he would have turned out differently if he michelle pfeiffer had taught at his school.

Anonymous said...

sean k he's on 2nd n half ,3rd year? i think he's had enough time to make us organised in defence and set pieces dont you?
bty

Anonymous said...

Dont know why he thought he needed it I mean ur neandethallls only hit women and children on the way out

EL said...

Nice writing Harry, raised a much needed smile.

Go on the Spurs!

GRAZZA said...

12.07:

And gobshites who stand there mouthing off behind three lines of coppers, who, as soon as they get a slap play the "women & kids" card - if you cant take it dont stand there mouthing off - tart.

Anonymous said...

women n children? says a lot about your support corporate mugs ,women n children! The only reason i can see they might get in harms way is that all the girly ,beret wearing,onion selling men are cowering behind them! Unlike your pansies our boys do well gainst all comers(granted not spanish police) so stop coming up with unsubstantiated rubbish just coz you are a little pansie girl
bty

Anonymous said...

classic petition to sack jol. 59 signatures in 2 days i see. target 50,000? hmmm....

the keep jol petition was over 5 thousand in an evening. however bad his tactics may seem at the moment, we can put it doesn to lack of confidence in himself at the very least.

the guy has tottenham (NORMALLY) playing very attractive attacking football. and also, although everyone loves to be an armchair manager, we HAVE NO REAL IDEA WHAT HAPPENS AT THE CLUB.

we dont know what they do in training, who tells them what to do in training.

get behind your f*cking team and stop bitching.

Anonymous said...

heres a controversial one for a future thread - who would you support if there was no spurs ?!
i aint putting no name to this post!

Anonymous said...

Nor me.

1. Villa.

2. Forest.

3. Crouch End Vampires.

Anonymous said...

see, hh, all problems are solved: Jol out. mourinho in.

hehehe

Anonymous said...

Hello Harry