Sunday, August 12, 2007

Tottenham Hotspur Are Like Turnham Green Tube Station: Player Ratings

BMJ said after the game it was boring and he was right. Maybe some tactical alterations might improve things Martin? I don't know, I'm just a punter. But many of the names beneath here look pretty good on paper.

Robinson 6.0
Made one good save. Unsighted for the goal?

If he's reserve quality then get someone in who isn't. I'm not low scoring him because he's helping us out. It'd be like getting my dad to play and then scoring him 2.5 because he's rubbish. BMJ sort this out, please.

Kaboul 6.5
The word 'solid' is apt. Great going forward. If we learn to play football soon, he'll fit in a treat.

Chimbonda 6.0 G
ot stuck in. But he needs to get the ball away to Jenas and let HIM distribute. Oh yes, the 'Let's it put on Pascal's head' free kick stunt doesn't bl**dy work off the training ground - so STOP IT!

Back to kicking thin air and looking ropey.

Zokora 5
A bit nothingy. Lucky not to get sent of for simulation.

Jenas 5.5
Which is to say marginally better than Didier. He needs to work harder on having space when the ball comes into him. Passes can be sublime, but not those panicky little 5 yard jobs.

Malbranque 4.5
Again, nothingy. Just another white shirt who made short panicky passes.

Huddlestone 4.5
The game had three shots from open play that I can remember and his was one. Whoopee.

Tainio 4.5
Poor. But then is he a winger? No he is not.

Keane 6.0
Committed but produced nothing of consequence.

Berbatov 5.5
When we're winning his 'economical' running style is languid and cool... When we're losing we're so fickle we say," He doesn't care - look at him!"
He needs service.

Bent 5.5
Lively but again had
no service.

Again, what is the point of scoring a man who through no fault of his own had no involvement in the game? You could have brought on Torville & Dean, Keith Richards, Pete Doherty and Amy Whinehouse and none of them would have come close to scoring. Tottenham are like Turnham Green Tube Station. Large parts of the day with
no service.

In summary a rubbish game to watch even if we had won it. Which incidentally we did not deserve to. Sunderland were predictably all resolve and heart. They seem to have mastered something called 'passing to each other' and as unexceptional as they were - they were better than us. They had a touch meeting Spurs at about their least impressive and are in for a huge wake up call when they meet someone a bit good.

So are Tottenham.


jolsgonemental said...

sunderland will win 4 premier league games this year, 2 of them will be against spurs.

two shit teams, contesting a shit game.

roy keane wonder manager? fuck off. he wont come up against many teams as gutless as Martin jols Spurs this year and they only scraped a last minute winner.

Anonymous said...

Fuck off, Harry.

Anonymous said...

sunderland are a good side, to be midtable, but still don't hide the fact that we were shite, we have the defence and attack sorted bar injuries(maybe add davies to replace bambi gardner), we just need some mid fielders that can link up the play from the back to the front.

marlbranque, tainio and jenas were a load of b@*%*^ks yesterday, couldn't string a decent pass forward whole afternoon. drop them and bring in the youngsters with a bit of vision, guile and not afraid to run forward with the ball, ie taarabt, prince, o'hara. go out n buy van der vaart and ben arfa as well, some creative midfielders.

goughy said...

Generous with Stalteri who looks petrified when he gets the ball so always passes back to Robbo who boots it upfield.I'd give him 2.Tainio can't play anywhere cos he has no skill other than running around putting in the odd tackle.There is no way that top four would have Gardner,Stalteri,Tainio in their squads...they are just not Prtem why do we play them.MJ get it sorted.Awful match,shocking performance,dreadful team selection!

Marc said...

I dont get it! We spent another £40 million this summer yet we are still playing the same shitty midfield as last season? where is this taarabt that was flying in pre-season? why wasnt boateng at least on the bench? Is Jol's tactic for the season just chuck on more strikers as each goal is scored against us?? i know we had a bit of a injury ravaged defense yesterday but that didnt seem to be the actual problem, the problem was our lacking midfield! the game was screaming out for a player like Taarabt to be brought on. we fans want results, and for us to achieve this Jol needs to grow some balls and start mixing things up a bit, give the new kids a try. Stalteri and Tainio shouldnt even be playing at this level!! After a summer of immense speculation yesterday was nothing short of a let down. we continue like that and it will be champiionship not champions league for us!!! COYS!! COME ON YOU SPURS!!!

Anonymous said...

Jol was out-thought by Keane.

I really thought we'd have learnt from last season but it looks like we haven't. None of our players wanted it apart from maybe Kaboul.

Where is the passion? The love for the club. All this kissing the badge, captains armband means shit when this lot play like guys at hackney marshes...

Anonymous said...

been on the sauce harry?
about right with your comments though - those that i could understand anyway. salty and bambi were to be expected, chimbo had his worst game for us, tainio is a grafter - he's not going to create a lot from the wing. kaboul looks absolute class though (scary moment asside when he forgot where or even who he was), if he continues to develop from there he could be one of the best defenders in the league.
we've still got a raft of players to come back into the side and will improve. in the long run a defeat that wakes us up should be better than a draw.

onedavemackay said...

Absolutely right Harry.

Am I the only Tottenham supporter who thinks that Zakora is hopeless ? He seems to vanish when we are up against it and his tackling frightens nobody. Jenas also seems to go missing for long periods during a game, does anyone really believe we are going to be a top four team with these two in the middle ?

Harry Hotspur said...

10.53 A little early even for me..

Blogger is free and consequently I will not rant over it's occasional shortcomings...

Anonymous said...

Well, you can't say that Jol isn't consistent but the problem he has this year is that several other teams are going to be much better so even a jammy 5th place doesn't look too good.
I f we have to have him as manager why can't he just accept that he knows nothing about creating a football team and having spent £40 million he still has no idea because our mid-field is complete and utter dross. So Martin, here's a thought, jut drop all the mid-fielders and play 6 forwards instead...then the defence can just pass it back for Robbo to hoof up the field and the forwards can all run after it....what's that.... you thought that was what we were doing already? Ok, I give up, tell me when the season is over so that I don't have to read all the gloating about 4th place in the premiership from all the other clubs and in particular I don't have to watch the Arsenal games....RIP Spurs

Anonymous said...

FAO Onedavemackay:

His name is "Zokora" and he was our best midfielder.

Harry Hotspur said...

I'm not a JOL OUT merchant, but I do reserve the right to point out the bleedin' obvious as a fan, when things aren't right.

BMJ is NOT a top flight manager. Not yet. Fergie, the Grump From Govern. He is 'top flight'.

I would actually say that Harry Redschnapps is probably a better manager than Jol.

Jol's CV is not particularly impressive reading. We are, so far, the pinnacle of his career... and we are a far from constructed side that cannot be relied upon.

Jol will hopefully improve and he and Spurs will simultaneously blossom.

But we scratched our league spot last year with a comparatively late run of high scoring, thrilling football.

However, prior to that we churned out muck such as getting royally stuffed by Man Utd and dropping points to teams that spent most of their season in the relegation zone.

But at least he brought on Bent on 58. As I posted before last term it would have been for the last 8 minutes....

A crumb of comfort, but at least he's learning.

Anonymous said...

Service? Berba was totally blocked by McShane. He was shit. And then he was furious when subb.Jol should have chosen Bent at least during the break.

sweeno said...

Cynical cynical cynical.

Malbranque wasn't that bad...remember the cross field pass that put Berba in? Should possibly have had a pen for that which would have made things a lot different.

Cheer up you miserable fuckers. Jens Lehmann has just made a tit of himself. At least you're not him.

Brutus said...

FAO Onedavemackay:

His name is "Zokora" and he was our best midfielder.

Sunday, August 12, 2007 11:07:00 AM +00:00

Sorry but you must have been watching a different game. Onedavemackay is right, Zkora is utter shite. He kept 'TRYING' to run with the ball and lost it every time and if his head was a normal shape the ball might actually go forward when he heads it. £8.2 million to replace Carrick - he's not even fit to lace Michael's boots. BMJ's team selection was absoutely baffling but let's wait and see what happens against Everton, although it was looking like we were getting a point (undeserved) until the 93rd minute (like we were getting 3 points against Sunderland last time they were in the Prem. until the 93rd minute..............)

mjk said...

I agree very much with harry hotspur - except for one thing, one player: Robbie Keane.

I know everybody loves him. Actually: I do too! But mostly for what I know he COULD do. And, more important (and relevant); DID!

Now, I just can't help myself from seeing him as a left defensive midfielder/wing back that NEVER challenges an opponent and passes the ball backwards 99,2% of the times he actually passes it - and with zero usefulness in regaining posession.

I agree that our midfield stinked yesterday, but argue that it wouldn't be that obvious if Berbatov had a partner that really wanted his team to win a game.

Anonymous said...

you Spurs fans are so fickle

pulyid said...

Midfield AWOL; defence - wot that? Left foot player - wot that? Width without Lennon - no chance. We knew all of these were missing last season - did no one at the club?

Anonymous said...

Come on now HH, a few things are a bit off here. I love your blog and appreciate your work, but Zokora was one of our best players out there, and I'm not even a Zokora fan. He plays Dmid and without him having an excellent day our makeshift back line would have been shredded. He protected that back line--and Kaboul--very well, so he did his job. He's not really at fault for the lack of creativity, that's down to Jenas, Malbranque and Tainio.

As for the blame defensively, sadly and shockingly that goes to Chimbonda who let his frailties on set pieces surface again. Chopra sprinted away from him directly in front of goal and it took far too long for Chimbonda to even recognize that his mark had moved, by the time Chimbonda closed the space Chopra was wide open 15 feet in front of goal, received the pass and scored ... tsk tsk tsk ... that's amateurish defending from our best fullback. That must be fixed sharpish.

Othello said...

Zokora was not Carrick's replacement, for fuck sake. I wish people would stop saying that.

Does Zokora play the same damn style as Carrick? Does he sit back and defend? Has he ever done that in his whole career???

Zokora is more of a muscular Jenas. Yes, Zokora didn't have a good game, but neither did the other eight starters.

For those who didn't seem to know, Boateng was not match fit and we had six others out injured. Taarabt, I'm not sure why he wasn't even on the bench.

Very impressed with Kaboul. What a classy defender.

Not impressed with our start, but two winnable home games should rectify that until our next daunting away trip....

Othello said...

No, 12.16.... these Spurs fans are the usual Spurs fans from the last twenty years. It's only been one game but this vocal minority will do all they can to enforce a regime change, plunging us back to the mediocrity of the 1990s.... heaven forbid that the man who took us to two 5th place finishes (by the way, how was last season jammy, 11.02??) should be allowed time to finish his job....

Nah, fickle isn't the word for some.

Anonymous said...

Attitude stank yesterday - arrogant bunch of overpaid primma donnas thought they just had to turn up to win. Thus no pace, energy, quick passing, movement - instead a load of let's take three touches, let them close us down before passing sideways or backwards and then lamp it on to the ginner's head (man of match by a mile). Summed up by way team strolled out after half-time with hands on hips. That attitude problem is Jol's fault on top of bloody cowardly away team selection (tainio, stalteri, gardener ffs!). It pains me to say it but Wenger would never have let yesterday happen (and he would already have got rid of Stalteri, Gardener, Murphy, Ghaly, Mido, Tainio, Lee and probably Jenas). The whole team (except perhaps Chimbo, Kaboul and Robinson) should apologiese to the nine year old lad sat behind us in floods of tears at the end, although unless MJ kicks butt this lad had better get used to the hurt.

Maddog said...

Jenas was utter shite yesterday.
IMO he is not much better than Ghaly.
At least Ghaly is strong on the ball.
Jenas was weak and his vision was woefull.
We will struggle against teams who fight for premeirship survival as our midfield is weak and non productive.
Jenas is the one player that I am constantly frustrated with, and the worrying thing is that he seems to be one of the first players on Jol's teamsheet.

The sooner Taarabt and Boeteng are installed into our Midfield, we will be more productive and stronger.
Taarabt,Zokora,Boeteng,Lennon will be our best midfield IMO.

Dingdongdes said...

Well put Harry. I was royally embarrassed yesterday. It was the Kaboul - McShane show in my eyes. McShane had Berbs in his pocket, and berbs didn’t like being roughed up one bit. Another day he would have punished him with some silky trickery but yesterday he chose to punish US with some sulking.
i was impressed with Kaboul though, has me slightly relieved after the recent news on King. BMJ was right about the strikers having to take responsibility, but only 1 player could actually walk off that pitch without there head down, Kaboul. I hope this is the kick up the arse that we need to get us started. 6 points from Everton, Derby, games and a point from Man USA is a must if this season is going to produce anything. COYS lets get it together.

Chirpy said...

Oh dear, one game gone and already the unfettered optimism of pre-season has disipated.

But rather than throw in the towel just yet, a reality check:

> Left-backs - all injured
> Centre-backs - both first choices injured
>> So, only one first-choice defender was on the pitch and played in position

> Left wing - ? - personally I didn't think Malbranque had a bad game
> Right wing/midfielder - first choice injured - Tainio was largely anonymous and gave us no width, but , lest we forget, was being played out of position

Berbatov: in my humble opinion something is weighing heavily on his mind and it is affecting his form; He looks lack-lustre, out-of-sorts, weary...

Sunderland played with passion and we failed to exploit what space was afforded us in midfield; The link between midfield and the strikers was poor and there was insufficient movement by both parties.

Our make-shift back four deserved a clean sheet.

Harry, ever wonder whether the fans that are all player-slating heads-down 'doom and gloom' after only one match have ever one a god damn thing in their lives.

Anonymous said...

Tainio's best position is in the mid-central field. He played better than 4.5 yesterday though! No hazards in the defence work, almost the only one from the midfield squad who was able to pass the ball to Berba inside the box! Clearly under-rated player in Spurs. Lots of "invisible" work!

Didn't anyone notice that after Tainio was taken away, Spurs lost the touch in the game totally!!! Until that it looked at least somehow average, not good, but not as bad as after Tainio was taken away...


Anonymous said...

After 2 seasons of serious backing from the board in the form of spending and endless experience in losing to lesser clubs as part of the "learning curve", how can any manager be allowed to get away wtih this shambolic statement of intent which is what this opening match of the season was.
Normal, predictable service is resumed.
Not good enough unless you're content with mid-table nothingness.
It surely isn't rocket science.

Anonymous said...

You gave Jenas a better rating than Zakora? Jenas is suppose to be the attacking midfielder and the playmaker (just see Jols comments recently). Malbranque was also better than Jenas. Our attacking and defensive problems lie in midfield.

Anonymous said...

tottenham should win every game 10-0. All our players should have the skill of ronaldo and the passion of roy keane. If they dont have both they are clearly a let down to the club. BMJ should have won 5 trophies this year already. Berbatov and Keane should have scored 5 each yesterday. Until this happens we will whine like a miserable bunch of tos*ers about everything to do with the club.

Anonymous said...

'Berbatov: in my humble opinion something is weighing heavily on his mind and it is affecting his form; He looks lack-lustre, out-of-sorts, weary...'

Yeah, Sherlock, his wife ran away with Ronaldo. How would you cope with that, eh?

goughy said...

Tainio's best position is playing for another team.He has no useful assets at all and is not a skilful Spur...he makes Stefan Freund look good.Why play no-hopers that wouldn't get a game ever for Manure,Chelski,L'pool,Arse etc and that includes Stalteri,Gardner,Mido,Murphy as well as Tainio---they've all had their chance and failed dismally.

London_Guy said...

bloody hell, true it was a dismal performance and a dismal result but looking at all this negatvity, after ONE GAME .... we Spurs fans dont deserve a decent team

London_Guy said...

One thing I would say on Berbatov, I remember a certain Ricky Villa, taking a long disgrunteld walk at Wembley. He came back the next game and well we all know what happened. Over to you Mr. Berbatov.

Anonymous said...

listen here, harry, your allegiance to jenas has surpassed loyalty and now is encroaching upon the boundaries of creepy. great site, though.

Anonymous said...

What is it with the "IMO there is something wrong with Berbatov - he must have something weighing heavily on his mind" comments?

Never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. The only thing getting him down was probably the fact he was playing for a team with no invention. If he was thinking about anything, he was probably thinking "with these clowns in midfield, perhaps I should have considered Man U after all..."

And with Rooney fracturing his foot, we'd better get used to a few more weeks of "Berbatov Man U deal resurrected?" headlines from sh1te stirrers before the window closes.

Chirpy said...

Re. 10.00pm - Berbatov

Maybe you're right, we'll see. But he walked out (not half way through the game) with the same disposition against Torino and his goal against them improved his mood little. We all saw what he thought of being substituted against Sunderland. I'm telling you, all is not right with Mr Berbatov at present, he is not 'a happy camper'.

Anonymous said...

sunderland were shite and we were dragged down to there level. They have to play defensive shit at home to survive. (Which they wont) stalteri,gardner and tainio wouldn't be picked at aldershot and yet after 40mill of spending they still are getting a game. give someone a go out the youth team rather than these donkey's

Anonymous said...

Hi Harry,

Love your site. I have been a spurs fan since 1968 but what I saw in the game at Sunderland appalls me beyond anything else I have ever seen from any Spurs team.

I have seen street soccer played with more conviction and guts than the absolute crap I saw.

Look, one of the basics of any soccer team anywhere is that if your opponent takes the ball away from you,the thing to do is to get after the guy and get the ball back..and not whinge and shout at the referee!!!! I have seen Spurs players do this countless times...enough!!!! be a man and get the ball back for Heaven's sake.

We seem to lack (for want of a better word) a spine in our teams and by that I mean:

King/Kaboul (one of the good players in the match)/Dawson/Chimbonda




If you notice each and everyone of the above is a TOUGH PLAYER not willing to give an inch to their opponents...I wouldn't use Jenas until he has toughened himself up, he's too much of an easy up the ball to easily.

The only good players in the Sunderland match were Gardner (very surprisingly). Kaboul, Chimbonda, Zokora, Keane,Robinson. Everybody else was invisible...should have stayed at home!!!

What surprises me most is the fact that most managers mould their teams to closely resemble their own preferred style of playing...Roy Keane, Mark Hughes were always tough fighters and their teams reflect your face and not willing to give an inch without a fight. Martin Jol in his time at WBA was known as a player who did not take any prisoners...but the team that he has created is the exact opposite!!! WHY???

One more thing, Steve Bruce (criticising Ghaly) said that Ghaly complained about extra training saying that they didn't do things that way at Spurs....WHY NOT...Why are our players being treated like prima donnas? What's wrong with extra training if it is required???

MJ has become a father figure...I hope he has not become a father that spoils his children!!!!

My friends, I mourn for the good old Spurs teams, I long for the entertainment value...I pine for the days when Steve Archibald could score 50 goals a season!!!

Somebody in charge (Levy or Jol) had better come up with a solution fast otherwise...4th??? You must be joking!!! We'll be staring relegation in the face...I have seen the enemy (Blackburn, Man City, Sunderland, Derby, Birmingham etc etc) and I am very fearful

Anonymous said...

Yes you can score Gardner. He was a 2 at best and is a League 1 player at best too. Stalteri is a sodding ice hockey player and wouldn't make my Saturday team. He is not a professional footballer in the slightest. That aside, bit unlucky to have all 3 left backs injured. If we dont have a left back, lets play 3-5-2 rather than put round pegs in square holes! Def: Chimbonda or Dawson/Rocha/Kaboul, Mid:Chimbonda or Routledge/Jenas/Zokora/Tainio or Huddlestone/Malbranque, Taarabt or Keane and 2 of out 4 top class strikers. Plus when Boateng is fit, he can slot in any midfield position.

Anonymous said...

Like many, I was bemused with the selection.

Taarabt, while far from the finished article, has no fear, plenty of tricks, and pace. He deserved a spot on the bench, surely?

I also feel for Rocha. He may be a little short to be a truly effective at CB, but he's played plenty of times at LB for Benfica, so why was Stalteri picked ahead of him? At least Rocha would have crossed the half-way line!

Gardner just gives everyone the jitters. You know a mistake is's just a matter of when.

The midfield struggled to unlock teams last season when Lennon was out, and it looks like nothing has changed. Where was Routledge?

EL said...


For what that's worth.

Brineyno9 said...

I used to find this site good humoured and in the main filled with informed sensible debate, however after ONE game it's riddled with moaning, fickle, small minded, dullards. Get behind the team and stop slagging off the best team in the land. If we'd won five nil it still wouldn't have been good enough for some. If it's that bad push off over to the Emerroids and watch that bunch of W*^*"*s

Harry Hotspur said...

Briney, If youu look around the web, THIS lot are actually quite upbeat and informed.....

You don't get 'we want a refund' on HH, unless it's postage from the tickety office, of course.