Sunday, March 23, 2008

The Ashley Cole Enquiry

"The evidence before the court is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire. In all my years of judging I have never heard before of someone more deserving of the full penalty of law. The way you made them suffer your exquisite wife and mother, fills me with the urge to defecate." Pink Floyd ~ The Trial

Lies, lies and damned lies. If there is any justice left in the world then Chelsea are going to hell in a handcart. What beggars belief is that they actually think that anyone is so stupid as to even remotely entertain their crooked bleating anymore. Cheats.

You watched the game, now you can read every shameless word at your leisure. We ought start with the class act that is Ashley Cole.

The tackle was a straight red. He ENTIRELY failed to connect with the ball and instead 'took out' Alan Hutton. Yes, I acknowledge that no major damage was incurred by the Spurs man, but that isn't the point. The potential for horrific injury through such an ill conceived 'challenge' is obvious to even the most stubborn and bird brained amongst us.

Cole then compounded the tackle with blatant dissent. What a tough guy. His back to Riley effectively saying, 'just get on with it you Wimp - Hurry up, I'm Ashley Cole.' I thought I was angry as this was happening. But I even surprised myself at how incensed I became when the wet fish referee then proceeded to book Keane.

We have to endure the Boxhead Freckled Shrek Rooney SCREAMING obscenities at point blank range at officials virtually every week. Robbie Keane makes a pretty mild approach and is carded. Joke compounds joke.

Damage limitation galore. Cole and his pal the dog, Terry then wheeled out their fake sincerity shtick. "I'm an emotional person, things can happen on the pitch very quickly but I didn't mean to disrespect the referee," Well shy of pulling Riley's shorts down and lashing a custard pie in his face, I'm at a loss to understand what more you could have done at the time to disrespect him more.

Terry's version of events are comical. "I asked Mike Riley to calm the Spurs bench down and then he told me he was clear that it was a high tackle and it was a booking so I pulled our players away. I think people see me running 50 yards to pull them away and they think I'm running over to get involved but that wasn't the case on Wednesday." Of course the killer line of revelation here is 'but that wasn't the case on Wednesday.' Why say that?

What Terry is subconsciously admitting is that ordinarily he does run 50 yards to browbeat referees. We know what we saw on Wednesday and that is EXACTLY what he did on this occasion too. His first concern was to distract from what Cole had done and tempt Riley into getting involved with the justifiably animated Tottenham bench.

Whilst Cole's 'apology' was worthless, Terry's 'praise' for Mike Riley was priceless. "We need to listen to refs and they need to listen to us. Let's not scream and shout at each other." Pffffffffftt no, there's more...

"Mike Riley was great on Wednesday night. I thought he dealt with the incident brilliantly. He was clear about how he saw it. He communicated it very well." Please, stop no really, I can't take anymore. The winner of Best Supporting Actor goes to... John Terry.



Anonymous said...

Get over it

onedavemackay said...

No 10.27 we'll get over it when something is done about it. The FA should stop any team surrounding referees. They should instigate a Rugby stile sighting rule so that no player should get away with the a tackle and behaviour like Cole's.

Trouble is that the FA are in the main a bunch of Muppetts with no bottle.

Anonymous said...

My name is 10.27 and I am Blue Scum

sir bobby robson said...

Cole's tackle was atrocious - it was a red-card offence. But he made things worse by arguing with the referee. He then showed a complete lack of respect by turning his back on him. It was disgraceful.

sir bobby robson said...

In my view, what Cole did was worse than go into a nightclub. It was extraordinarily bad behaviour. Can you imagine how bad it would look if kids saw him as part of a winning England team after what he has just done. It would send out the wrong message. He is a great player and I'm sure he will be given the chance later on to make amends for his mistakes. But we, as a football community, need to take action.

sir bobby robson said...

I would be happy to see an England team line up against France without Ashley Cole. It would hammer home the message that what he did was unacceptable. Not being picked would be a huge blow for Cole and it would show him and everyone else that the manager is not allowing that sort of behaviour.

Markspur said...

Simple. When Eduardo's leg was broken, his studs were embedded in the turf, and his leg had nowhere to go. In Hutton's case, his leg was above the ground, and so luckily for him, his leg was able to move away from the kick, and got away with severe bruising. The tackle was a disgrace, Cole actually kicked out, studs high straight into Hutton's leg, at least but only slightly better, Eduardo's injury occurred from a studs up slide. Both straight reds. Cole's reaction should have resulted in 2 red cards, and a trip to FA headquarters. But it seems that the studs up rule is only to protect the 'top 4' clubs, of which we shall soon be joining. Hopefully, and I do not believe in dreaming, the FA will show some guts and bring these perpetrators to book. And it's you, 10.27, who mentioned the word scum. When we see these obscene tackles on your players, will you 'Get over it?'
Well played yesterday, Alan! Glad you were there to play. COYS!

Anonymous said...

No one really believes that Cole's apology was motivated by heartfelt remorse rather than political necessity. The fact he made the apology at all is, at best, an enforced public acknowledgement that there are limits to what a player can do and say, and that he and his colleagues should now be bound by them. Watch this space.

There was nothing creditable, professional or emotional about the challenge or Cole's behaviour to the referee afterwards. What incensed everyone further was Cole's apparent disbelief that he had done anything wrong at all; or that, if he had, he wasn't (like the whole Chel*ea team) above the law. Ignorance is no defence - even if it's feigned. Here is where I have some sympathy for referees who attempt to reason their judgements to players. You can only expect a reasonable response from a reasonable man - and Cole was not / is not reasonable.

The tackle was a straight red. It was flying. Cole launched himself like a missile at Hutton's leg. Hutton had the quickness of mind to withdraw his leg immediately he saw the danger so that, by the time Cole's foot connected, Hutton's leg was already moving backwards. Had Hutton's foot been planted on the pitch we would have witnessed an unstoppable force hitting an immovable object: bye-bye, Hutton. The referee will have to work hard on his powers of self-deception to justify his decision.

Despite Cole's apology, you don't have to be a fly on the wall to know what's being said at the Chel*ea training ground. Precedents without number inform us that Terry and Cole will be sneering at the press, the football authorities and common decency, assured in their arrogance that they remain untouchable. Terry exemplifies the very worst characteristics of the English game. Unfortunately, he has a few good characteristics, too; plus, he's a captain of England - else he'd have nowhere to hide. Nor is it true to say that his good qualities as a player come as part of a package which includes his belligerence. Woodgate is a top-class English centre-back who doesn't require boisterousness to augment his game.

The one good, obvious thing to emerge from this affair is Alan Hutton's forgiving response to it. Secretly he might be fuming - and you wouldn't blame him for it if he were. But, publicly, he has sought to defuse the bomb about to explode in Cole's face. Cole owes Hutton a favour.

Knowing Cole as we do it's unlikely he'll return it.

9.37 Anon

Anonymous said...

After the injury to Eduardo, Martin Taylor was, at first, vilified and, later, largely exonerated in the press.

The tackle gradually came to be explained as the consequence, not of violent play but of one players inability to match the speed of another. Eduardo was simply too quick for Taylor, hence the mis-timed challenge.

This explanation rightly elevated Eduardo and humbled Taylor. A sort of balance was being restored.

As if to pick up on this, a similar kind of language has been used in reference to the Cole tackle. Cole himself has declared that Hutton was too quick for him. Hutton, too, said that he got to the ball just a bit quicker than Cole. It was an accident. These things happen. Nothing to see here. Move along.

So, you see, there is a kind of 'linkage' being made between the two events. We have it in our heads that Taylor, though inept, is essentially guiltless and a decent professional (which is probably accurate). But now, through this terminology, we are being manouvered to believe that the same is true of Cole.

Not so fast, sonny boy. Or should I say 'not so quick'?

9.37 Anon

Anonymous said...

I really like your website, HH. First-rate writing. Keep up the good work. Did anyone notice how that fine young man, John Pikey, kneed Berbatov in the face during the week?

dannyboy said...

As was said earlier, Hutton was lucky his foot was off the floor. If it had been standing, broken leg and no mistake. Cole at best was very lucky to get away with a yellow. Disgraceful tackle which should have been a straight red; everyone knows that, even him if he was (laughs) honest. There is no place in football for that behaviour. Even Malbranque should have gone off against Citeh recently - no contact but the intent was there. Good article Harry.

Anonymous said...

While I'm about it, Happy Easter, HH. Cheers for posting all the topics and mediating.

And Happy Easter to all fellow Yids here. Here's hoping that this time next season we're contesting among the top four.

Oh, and Hudd - if you're reading - not too many chocolate eggs, dude. Keep it trim, keep it slim, keep it real.


9.37 Anon

frontwheel said...

Yup, Chelsea are scum, but may I be first to wish them happy(ish) easter for beating woolwich.

Also, loving the Pink Floyd lyrics. Until I first listened to that track (when I was only little), I didn't know the proper word for doing a number two.

Happy Jesus getting reborn day to all in englishstan.

Mysterious Stranger said...

Unfortunately Harry, it seems Ashley has not so much come under fire a couple of days later, but actually has had other teams' managers coming out to defend the "poor lad". Basically, since he subsequently apologised all that we witnessed on Wednesday night is forgiven.

I completely agree with onedavemackay's and 9.37 Anon's comments. And unfortunately, whilst I also can see comparisons have been made between Taylor "the unfortunate victim of Eduardo's brilliance" and Cole "Hutton was too quick for me" I too don't buy into it.

Taylor got a straight red and a three match ban. And FIFA want to look further into it to see if more punishment should be metered out!

In Chelsea's/Cole's case, the FA have stated that they will not be taking further action because the player was booked on the pitch, therefore as the matter was dealt with they don't have the power to do any more. WTF? Unless FIFA intervene, that is? Shall we start a petition and send it to FIFA?!

It has been noticed that of all the teams in the league Chelsea stand out IMO for having ill discipline, and often employ the tactic of surrounding the referee whilst hurling volleys of abuse. And let's face it, it seems to have worked out OK for them so far. It appears to either encourage leniency if their player is the offender, or results in greater punishments being dished out if it's the other way round. It is high time the FA took a stance to eliminate this tasteless aspect, because it does "appear" to show bias (even if there truly isn't any). Interestingly Avram Grant after the game took time out to criticise OUR players for surrounding the referee! Hey, your lot started it, now fcuk off and lose the title!

Still, if you are looking for any more examples of disgraceful, you'd do far worse than look at yesterday's Sevilla - Atlético Madrid game.

Shortly after Sevilla had cancelled out Atlético's 1st half advantage, they brought on their Italian hero (and ex-West Brom player) Maresca, to much bowing from Sevilla fans etc.

About three minutes afterwards Atlético's Argentine 19yr old striker "Kun" Agüero restores their lead with a sublime first time finish from a magnificently weighted long ball. Absolute quality. Three minutes later "Kun", chasing back, barely catches (if at all) Maresca, who crumples to the ground. Maresca gets up, then promptly plants a head-butt in Agüero's face. Claret pours, Maresca gets sent off less than 6 and a half minutes after taking the field!

Talk about seeing red! I watched the game last night, but have no idea if it was on Sky or not, so I managed to find this clip on youtube so you can see for yourself in case you haven't already.

BimitarDerbatov said...

that clip remided me of Ariel Ortega's headbut on Van der Sar (or was it the other way around) in France '98..

i really don't want to give ashley cole the time of day

however this issue does need addressing..

agree with you there Mysterious Stranger..

Mysterious Stranger said...

Quite bimitar. If anyone should be getting more attention, it's his wife ;-p

As for "Kun", much as I'd like for him to be on our "La Liga plundering" wishlist in the summer, he'll be way, way out of our price range, and he's the reason Atlético let Torres go in the first place!

BimitarDerbatov said...

i've honestly never heard of him till now but will be looking out for him in the future..

Mysterious Stranger said...


Agüero cost Atlético 20 million Euros when they bought him from Independiente, aged 17.

Now 19 yrs old, he's lighting up La Liga. Not to mention winning an array of awards.

There's his wiki link. You'll find plenty of clips on youtube.

Like I say, he'll be out of our range for many reasons, such as price, the fact Atlético will probably be playing in the Champions League next year, etc.

Anonymous said...

Love the BBC headline for Wenger's post-game comments, saying he was undone by "long ball Chelsea". Could this twit be any more ungracious? Is he implying that if Chelsea played every ball short, his team would've won? If that's the case, then old Avram got the better of you didn't he? Or maybe your team is too "cultured" to bother practising the defending of long balls? Whatever your point, you lost pedo. Doesn't matter how. The scoreboard is the final word. As much as I hate both teams in this case, I'm glad Chav's got the better of you wankers. Looks good on you, mate.


Anonymous said...

Aware that the tide of opinion is turning against Chel*ea's boorishness toward match officials, their and England's (?) captain (and pinnacle of professionalism) has defended a proposal to allow captain's only to discuss contentious decisions with the referee.

Conscious that, with the current demand for a return to respect, his 'team' risks losing considerable stock, he's attempting to offset those losses by making a sole investment that will give him liberty to personally browbeat and harangue the men in black.

I say let's keep the stakes high. Let's not tar all footballers with the same brush. I suspect Robbie's yellow was the result of a bit of lip, not abuse. There's a difference.

Terry is a cynic. Everything he says is either a cliche or laughable. Or both.

On another issue, we're now being linked to Luis Fabiano. Seriously, I know it's likely we'll get some new signings in the summer, but it looks like the entire personnel of La Liga is on its way.

Talking of new signings, how many is too many? Having spent months establishing a new mentality and culture at the club, huge changes in the playing staff surely risk disrupting that.

What sort of numbers outgoing and incoming are we really looking at, Harry?

9.37 Anon

Harry Hotspur said...


You set'em up and I'll do my level best to whack'em over the virtual playground fence for a six.

I think a speculative piece with a working title ~ 'What A Girl Needs' may well be in order.

Just how much 'Wendolene' will Wendy (El's work) require to ensure we can deliver quality Push and Run now the Dutch Napoleon is gone?

Anonymous said...

i think cole took out hutton cos he realised huttons a better fullback then he is! that and the fact the little cunts not getting any off his mrs

and as for his apology - well it's obvious the club told him to do it. cole wouldnt have the brain power to think of that.

its wrong the fa can do nothing with it as mike riley already "punished" cole with a yellow

spanner said...

7.52 You are right there bruv, the whole thing is a corporate cock job. Innit H?!

EL said...

Jenas dropped & in a strop


High quality replacement please


And while we're on a summer spree

could we replace the other 3

midfielders who aren't good for



Sh*t, I's well bored guy.

Let's put the newky browners to bed early doors and have a goal fest.

Go on the Spurs!

shanemac said...

i love that we're going to be doing a lot of shaking and moving this summer, but is anyone else a bit worried about a potential "clearout"? we don't want to turn into man city after all, do we?
are all players just mercenaries? does JJ actually love playing here, or is it just a case of tottenham being his best option?
in any case, i'd still love to see gilberto-tainio-jj-taarabt in the midfield next match. give the new and the young and the old a chance to prove themselves.

shanemac said...

just read that last part again.... that is shocking syntax, apologies.

EL said...


Shanemac, have you ever seen your average blog poster? You're a comparative literary genius my friend.

I've just remembered how when Bent went tearing after the ball for the 2nd goal against portsmouth, and beat his man through sheer pace, strength & determination, I suddenly got a klinsman flashback. It's been a while since we've had that sort of player up front; aggressive, direct, big and fast; as soon as he latched on to it, a buzz of expectation went round the ground a la klins, and his energy, control & drive was as refreshing and welcome to that match as Wendy was to this season. Suddenly 15 mil didn't look quite so silly. Hope he's given a chance to settle and shine some more.

Go on the Bent!

Anonymous said...

'Cole' is a four-letter C-word that deserves formal introduction to the English lexicon - not just as a descriptive and unflattering noun, but also a verb:

To Cole: to act petulantly; to behave in a manner akin to a five-year old; to gesticulate wildly and abusively; to slap a lady's bottom with such force as to leave an impression of one's wedding-ring thereon ; to empty the contents of one's stomach during sexual intercourse.

I, too, wouldn't mind seeing Bent prove his worth. He recently gave gentle notice that he won't hang around forever waiting for his chance to shine.

Truth is, if he wants to play at a big club he'll most likely always be contending with other strikers for that starting-place. Only a smaller squad with more modest aspirations will meet the ambitions of a player who wants a guaranteed 90 minutes every game. I think it's probably all part of the mental 'jostling' and re-learning that seems currently to be going on at Spurs.

Latest player linked to us is Mario Santana. What a talisman for Setanta he'd be.

9.37 Anon

shanemac said...

I'm still finding it hard to get excited about darren bent... are you sure that buzz you felt wasn't from vodka you snuck in in that ribena bottle, el?

I thought this was a good piece about TT. i can't believe zokora plays before him.

doug said...

I've just seen that 'What-side-am-I-rented-out-to-this-week-erano' of West... sorry, Liverpool... Is being done for dissent by the FA.

Can anyone please get the rule book out and explain to me again how the Argentine scouser is getting done but Cashley trots off pointing at the number on his shirt having a good giggle?

I'm confused.

Harry Hotspur said...

There's a Roger Mellie~esque compendium to be begun here chaps.

John Terry (Jon-Tear-e) adj, noun, verb, dog.

To perpetually cheat. A state wherein talent and merit are overshadowed by whining and sneering. A nadir in sporting behaviour and gentlemanly conduct. To act in an irredeemably c*ntish manner. To behave abysmally, bully, urinate publicly, deceive etc etc

Harry Hotspur said...

Zokora (Zok-orror) adj

To clear pigeons (usually)from a high roof. Commonly with a football. Also; to ultimately or enevitably fall over.

Anonymous said...

To hargreaves:
To flatter to deceive; to appear indispensible, causing red-nosed men to spend inordinate amounts of time, effort and money in order to obtain one's services; to irritate enormously.

To downing:
To be wasteful; to cause utter bemusement at supposed monetary value; to exhibit the characteristics of a 'on-trick-pony'.

To kaboul (deriv. Commolli):
to perform mop-up clearance (with a football) of remaining pigeons from high roof after most have been 'zokorraed' (ref. to zokorra).

To robbo:
To perform a barrell-roll; to flap one's arms like the sails of a windmill; to stand perfectly motionless while observing an orb travel past one.

9.37 Anon

dannyboy said...

so all of a sudden bent aint a waste of money, being compared to klinsmann and jj deserves a chance to see if he's any good? fickle fickle and fickle again. call yourselves spurs fans? what a load of tossers some fans are.
as for mascherano, my thoughts exactly about why he's being charged and cashley cole isnt. 1 rule for the 'top 4' and 1 rule for the rest - lets face it, scousers aint top 4.

Anonymous said...

Dazza just might've stretched the French defence a bit last night, had he got the chance. To date, I can't recall him (unlike JD) using the word 'gutted' once, which shows trememendous promise.

England were well organised but dull and unimaginative. Ball control was poor. We're a generation behind, in terms of our relationship to the ball. Chickens, roost.

What's with Juande talking about Berbatov again? Saying he hopes to keep him at the end of the season, but recognises he might want to move on? Statement of fact or mind games? Putting the onus on the player? Softening the blow to fans? And what's with the fulsome praise of Ronaldo? Is some kind of unlikely summer swap in order? Probably not, as Ron's worth a few more bob than Berb, but it's worth a rumour or two on Sportingo.

To keegan:
To speak with cliches and low-rent rhetoric; to puff oneself up like a dwarvish cockerel, but fool nobody for very long; to pull the wool over others' eyes with bluff and bluster, but ultimately to be exposed and implode.

9.37 Anon

BimitarDerbatov said...

it's actually Ronaldinho he was on abot 9.37...

surely we couldn't get him..

Anonymous said...

Oops! How could I mistake Hardy for Laurel?

Cheers, Bim.

9.37 Anon

Anonymous said...

Errr. It was both Rons, apparently. Maybe something was lost in translation.

To juande:
To speak with forked tongue.

9.37 Anon

Anonymous said...

What sort of welcome will 'Hughts' get at the Lane this weekend?

9.37 Anon

Anonymous said...


GRAZZA said...

To Hughton: To shop in Tesco whilst simultaneously being stalked by serial blogger and enforcing an entirely unsuitable diet of lard and training regime for a premiership team with visions of the champions league.

Also, To draw comedy characatures and witty limericks to divert Martin Jols attention away from the lack of a left sided midfielder for 2 and a half years.

BimitarDerabtotv said...

yes laughter would indeed be the way to go i feel..

lord knows we haven't anything to fear in terms of tactical nous..

BimitarDerbatov said...

oops spelled my name wrong there..

EL said...


Do you work for a tabloid by any chance? Your ability to become borderline hysterical over a fairly minor issue is to be commended should the answer be yes.

In the post which raised your hackles, I was merely using a simile, as opposed to an analogy - which may have caused your confusion. I wasn't, as you seem to suggest, comparing Bent to klinsman per se; I was comparing that particular passage of play to one in which klinsman was involved and the crowds reaction to it.

As we all know from a preponderance of youtube mash-ups that 15 seconds of quality doesn't maketh the player, but it can bring back warm memories.

Please don't scoff at mine dannyboy; one day they may be all i've got.

dannyboy said...


'Do you work for a tabloid by any chance?' NO. Just a passionate Spurs fan mate, who expresses his views like everyone else. Cling on to them memories.


shanemac said...

let there be love, let there be lo-ove

Mysterious Stranger said...

Regarding Hughton, it's a shame that he was evidently a bit left for wanting in the coaching department. As a player he was a good servant.

Of course, glad we got rid of him and Jol. But if we remember him solely as a player a polite round of applause wouldn't go amiss.

As for Ronaldinho, it would be a nice addition for Taarabt to work under him. Get the Brazilian on the Spurs diet and he may yet have a couple of years' worth, and certainly his experience would be of benefit to our team. However, one thing that may again work against us signing players such as him is our current inability to offer them Champions League football. Let's hope the powers that be can be suitably persuasive to enable players to overlook this present shortcoming.

Harry Hotspur said...

Mysterious Stranger = quality quality quality... your words on 'Hughts' are spot on of course.

I'm very guilty of cheap shots. Unrepentant you understand, but guilty nevertheless...

Yet as a player? Wow. FA Cup anyone? UEFA Cup anyone? Not arf pop pickers. Respect in da house.

EL said...

My view on the ronaldinho story - for what it's worth - is that with no CL at the lane next season plus his take home pay figure, it's simply never going to happen. And even if it did, my assumption would be that for barca to be prepared to lose him and for him to accept a huge pay cut, he'd have to be well passed his best and who want's another has-been designer label?

Remember davids?

Harry Hotspur said...

At risk of appearing a vacuous mole... el. I agree. Buyer beware.