Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Jermaine Jenas ~ The Marmite Factor ~ Vote Now!

To the tune of The Jean Genie? ... How awful ...

"Jermaine Jenas
He loves to attack
Jermaine Jenas
He loves to attack
He's outrageous
He shoots and he scores
Jermaine Jenas
England Applaudes
England Applaudes"

After the tetchy debate over elephatine bathing assistants...one man who's without a song of any description is the midfield miracle that is Jermaine Jenas.

He's Marmite.

You either love him or loathe him

Either way, what isn't debatable is that when he does come good, his goals or killer passes are a wonderful sight. And just as he frequently deserves the despairing groans, he equally deserves the praise of a good song. Above is my considered creation. Give us yours !


To vote JJ Carling Cup Player Of The Tournament visit the link below...

So far it's our boy in front with SWP snapping at his heels... well, over twenty points behind, but let's seal it, eh?




Anonymous said...

Jenas you're shit. And we know you are..

...repeat until Dannyboy arrives...

Anonymous said...

Jermaine jenaaaaas
Jermaine Jenaaaaaas
your dad washes elephants
and your mum sucks penis

Anonymous said...

anon 9:19, people like you are a disgrace.

Meanwhile I think Jenas is a quality player whose form is dictated by the rest of the team. When we don't play well, he is typically the worst of the lot, on the other hand when we're on the ball, he shows us what he can do.

I like him and I hope he continues his current run of form.

Anonymous said...

Aha... 70% of the vote to JJ, and so it should be.

He is JJ, Super JJ, he is JJ, from the Lane..... ?

Harry Hotspur said...


Couldn't agree more mate. I try not to just ZAP comments just because they make me cringe, but that was one. EASY to call him a t*sser but for F*cks sake, are WE Tottenham or what?

Anonymous said...

he's most overrated thing since asbestos.

Anonymous said...

jer maine je nas clap clap clap clap clap
or 1 jermaine jenas theres only one jermaine jenas(add thank fuck if ya don't like him)
or jenas whoa jenas whoa
he come from a goldfish bowl
and hates the arsenal
def an improving player under the new management and i've always thought he'd be even better if he got proper love from the fans.hope someone comes up with something good

Anonymous said...

jenas is talented but isn't consistent enough, he reminds me of a harry kewell- does something brilliant every 15 games! he doesn't stamp his authority on the game or get aggressive enough, he isn't the inforcer type we need in central midfield, far too lightweight.

Harry Hotspur said...


Should we find out where he lives and 'get him'?

Anonymous said...

Fair comment bty

theshelfer said...

If Spurs had a world-class holding midfield player, then Jenas would be the outstanding attacking midfield player in the country. He has more pace than Lamps or Gerrard, and can cover more ground.

I think that his indifferent performances are often caused by having to play alongside Zokora, the Prince, and the fat version of Hudd (the new version of Hudd is excused from all criticism)

Anonymous said...

Even before his recent transformation into a sort of Gerrard-lite, I'd begun to sympathise with Jenas. Not because I didn't recognise the shortcomings that were all too readily aired by his critics, but simply because he became the main scapegoat for every lame team performance regardless of his part in it. Even when the criticism didn't hold water. For example, the plonker on this very blog who accused Jenas of being responsible for one of Reading's goal, in that bizarre 6-4 game, by giving the ball away - when it was actually the otherwise admirable Malbranque. Increasingly, the expectations of Jenas became unrealistic - anything less than a fantasist's mix of Essien's tenacity and energy and Fabregas' vision and JJ was utter crap. The hatred became irrational. At the Derby game, after Jenas had scored a really brilliant goal, the bloke sat behind me in the Upper North celebrated by saying "Nice finish, but he's still a c*nt". Against Sunderland at home, the guy sat next to me yelled out "Great tackle... oh, it was Jenas ... f*cking lucky."
There have been times, based on comments like these, I wouldn't have been surprised to read that the anti-terrorist squad had shipped him off to Paddington Green to interrogate him for his alleged part in 9/11.
I've posted these stats before, but they're still worth considering: in the 6 league games Jenas has not played this season, we've lost 5 of them (only Fulham were beaten without JJ); our only defeat in the Eufa Cup (to Getafe) occured without Jenas in the side.
No, he doesn't boss a game - and probably never will (a 2008 version of Dave Mackay, he ain't - I wish). But, if Ramos can get in a genuinely domineering defensive midfielder to free up Jenas, then JJ may just turn out to be a very good attacking midfielder indeed.

As for the chant, H, well here's my lame and obvious effort (based on his box-to-box showing v Ar5ena1):

Here's here, he's there,
He's every-fucking-where,
Jermaine Jenas,
Jermaine Jenas.

JimmyG2 said...

Sorry Harry like the blog but not keen on the song.More urgent are songs for Dimitar B.because Jermaine wont leave us but unfortunately Dimitar might.I hate Marmite but do like Jenas.

Songs for Dimitar

I) To the tune of "Gimme,gimme,gimme" by Abba

Dimi,Dimi,Dimi,the man in the spotlight

Please stay and help us chase our rivals away

Dimi,Dimi,Dimi the man in the spotlight

Take us through the season and dont go away

2) To the tune of "Jesus Christ Superstar"


You are our oustanding football star

Dimitar Berbatov

We know you'll help see our rivals off

Anonymous said...

I have been a JJ fan since he came to the club.Its nice to see he has a manager and a coaching staff that believe and i hope he carries on performing for spurs.

Anonymous said...

His consistency continues to let him down, but at his best he warrants the plaudits. Is he a better player than the one that arrived at WHL? Yes, in all aspects of his game and whilst he continues to work and improve I (for one) am happy to see him in a Spurs shirt.

Anonymous said...

the bloke loves scoring against the scum any other player would be a hero for the long shot equalizer at the lane alone! add to that both performances in the cup against them this year and he should be much more popular than he is! it is quite a strange one that has no real reason behind it, when he destroys derby its "just derby" yet when he does the scum its quickly forgotten!

EL said...

Cracked up at the photo. Bang on!

JJ is the sophisticated man's Vinny Jones. All the running in the world however, doesn't make up for a lack of real vision when you're in the playmaker role. Berbatov's ability to drop back and pick up the ball in midfield to weave his magic, camouflages JJs creative failings much of the time. He is though, quite obviously an improved player under our Wendy but I think it's beyond even our 'special one's' talents, to surgically transplant Thud's passing abilities into JJs brain.

O'Hara has less experience but appeares to me to have greater potential in his all-round game than Jenas. I do hope he proves me wrong but I wonder if 'vision' is something a player can work hard to aquire, like weight loss, fitness or concentration. Seems to me to be a talent you've either got or you haven't, otherwise they'd all put the time in and be Hoddle.

Huddlestoplasty anyone?

Harry Hotspur said...

El ~ Whilst you are me ~ thus making this pointless...

I'll de-clench...

The pic is... Ivor Novello ~ songsmiths of the world unite ~ But what swung using it was indeed the pure JeeNarseness of it....

Anonymous said...

Jenas is quality, class, end of. Finally other people acknowledge this. Put a Makele character alongside him and watch him go. Make him captain. I have been saying this for about 2 years now....

As for anon 9.11pm - prick.


Anonymous said...

Why is it so hard to come up with a song for the lad?

Here's my attempt...

Jermaine Jenas, Woaho
Jermaine Jenas, Woaho
He is a touch of class,
He'd f*ck up Fabregas.

I found it very had to come up with anything not involving an expletive... My efforts however were in vain...


Anonymous said...

EL- i must admit that i can't see to much greatness in jj at times but putting him in a comparison with vinny jones?totally different players and the main thing you left out of his appraisal was that he scores GOALS!Ramos seems to think he's a good player ,Cappelo stuck him straight into his Team for his first game and sir bobby said he was future england captain so he must have something we can't see! i think its a bit like carrick (who also didn't have a song!)not many people realized what he brought to us until he left and how much did we miss him?
Agree about o'hara though looks a cracking player and i'm sure under JR n Gus he will mature like a fine wine!

Anonymous said...

Jeee-nas Jeee-nas Jeee-nas

To the tune of..... Yiii-do Yiii-do Yiii-do.

Anonymous said...

I had a right laugh at an article in the Evening Standard:

"Ghost haunting house of Arsenal Goalkeeper"

"Aresnal' goalkeeper is convinced his house is haunted by the ghost of a monk. Manuel Almunia, 30, has been given special permission to go home for lunch to avoid leaving his wife Ana alone at the house is Abbots Langley, Hertfordshire. He said his home was built on the site of a former psychiatric hospital, and his wife had seen a monk holding a candle standing over the bed."

What a right load of old bollocks!! No such thing as ghosts, and Wenger appears to have been born yesterday!!!!

Almunia's wife is probaly tring to get her hubby a transfer back to Spain. Either that or she is complety nuts!!!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Fuck off Langton. Fulham fans ain't welcome.

TheSchoolboy said...


You put up a pic of Ivor Novello. I'd swap it for Ivor "the Engine"

Welsh Jenas most certainly isn't, but he certainly is a midfield engine and he steamed thru the goons in the Semi.

I thank you

Anonymous said...

JJ has all the ability what he lacks is consistency and confidence. As for the bit about someone decent alongside him The Hudd was awesome against United at the lane but JJ had another of his less impressive displays.

Great when he performs but he needs to perform more than once every three or four matches.

TheSchoolboy said...

I reckon Jenas is a good player but he just hasn't worked out how to play when we have the ball and he has to find space.

Against the goons (largely down to him scoring early) the game was broken and he had space to bomb into. Against United as onedavemackay said he was largely ineffective. Although his break did lead to the goal - indirectly. That was in broken play.

They played deep in defence and got back quickly. That's where the Hudd will shine because it's all about cute passing, vision and less driving on. If he learned to look up before he received the ball more he would some player. And I reckon you CAN learn that.

EL said...

Re: 11.04anon

Ok, david Howells then.

I agree with those who think that if he played at his best 95% of the time, Jenas would be our lamps, gerrard or scholes but he doesn't. He also would have to dominate more and score more. If Wendy can keep him improving, you never know. My money's on him ultimately just falling short but if he can prove me wrong over the next year or so, I'll sing his name from the rooftops.

Now, all I need is a song........

Anonymous said...

oh god here we go again...(sigh)

Dannyboy..here is a list of some midfielders who are quality/class:

Cesc Fabregas
Paul Scholes (though he's getting on in years)
Steven Gerrard (possibly)
Lionel Messi (if you consider him a midfielder)

Jermaine Jenas DOES NOT come anywhere near that group of players or the "quality" or "class" that they certainly have and that you say JJ has...

and while i will commend him when he plays well i still don't think we should settle for less..

now Dannyboy don't jump down my throat i'm only trying to get my point across..one which i think is pretty rock solid...

re the song.. i don't know if he's worthy of one just yet..although if he keeps scoring against Arsenal then perhaps something about that??

Oh and Jimmyg2...your first song for Berb is quality..well done..

EL said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

With all this talk, I have a feeling that Jenas will score for us against Chelsea!!!

COYS - lets beat them!!!!

Anonymous said...

@ bimitarderbatov.....how has he not done enough to deserve a song?

Huddlestone had one from pretty much his first game at the club. As did Zokora...and can you say either of those two have been more important to our team this season than Jenas

Pompeyyid is right about the amount of times you hear people slating Jenas in the stands. It's got to a point where some people are so far turned against him by certain areas of the crowd that they will refuse to give him credit for the things he does do right. 3 goals against Arsenal in the past calendar year...just imagine he was actually a popular player!

Anonymous said...

Well said, PompeyYid.

Nice to see a bit of class leak its way into the comments.

Anonymous said...

Fair point about Zokora's song 11.04.

I for one would like to see Zamora's "Amore" song taken for a dry clean and recycled for Zokora.

That was a quality ditty.

Anonymous said...

When the ball hits the crowd or goes out of the ground its Zokora.......

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but your "rock solid point" is about as credible as the (cough)Intelligent (cough) Design argument against Evolution. Your starting from the wrong place, mate. I could even add to your list of midfielders who are better than Jenas (Michael Essien, Seydou Keita?) - but so what? How many of those players are seriously realistic targets for the club (given that we aren't Champions League; couldn't afford 50% of their current wages, etc)? Maybe, just maybe, if we win the Eufa Cup, and with JR's "Spanish Connection" influence, we might get someone like Xavi in (though, on his current poor form for Barca, you might not want him). Instead, we have to go with what we've got (but, please, not Kevin Prince of Bell-End Boateng). And, back on planet Earth, who we've got for CM is JJ, O'Hara (a big tick, so far), the battleship Huddlestone (a sublime passer, but ...), Tainio and Zokora. (Ah, Didier - a fantastic 400 metre runner, but apparently not a footballer. A sort of Steffen Freund with extra athleticism).
I see Jenas as potentially our version of Chavski's Fat Frankie Limpheart - a consistently effective attacking midfielder. But, only if he has the disciplined, positionally sound and tenacious tackling holding midfielder alongside (such as that still annoyingly brilliant runt Makele) to allow him to do that. Oh, and a bit more composure in front of goal. But, maybe, I'm being the fantasist here?
Now where's my bloody Cup Final ticket?

Anonymous said...

pompey...ya i agree with you...i think we're "basically" saying the same thing...

of course we have to make do with what we have...but for how long..

when / if we reach Champions league we're going to need an awful lot more than what we've got in the midfield department at the moment.. in fact to get there we're going to need an awful lot more .. and i'm sorry but JJ is NOT the man to take us there.. decent and all as he is.. perhaps he would have a part to play but as a midfield general??? come on..

i'm sticking to my guns.. we're going to need a top quality midfielder......and yes Pompey it may take winning the UEFA Cup to persuade them to come but when they do JJ will be out on his ear...

no-one can disagree with me for wanting more from my Tottenham...no-one.. anyone who does is a fool..

oh and yes i agree with 12.54 JJ will prob score then winner on Sunday with all this talk!!

It's Them and Us said...

The facts speak for themselves. Over the years Jenas has been missing from our team, our results/performances are incredibly awful. Whether you like him or not, he IS an important part of this team. If for instance he's ruled out of the Carling Cup Final, I for one will be seriously worrying.

Like what Pompeyyid said, you can't put Jermaine Jenas alongside the ranks of Messi, Kaka, Ronaldo, Gerrard or even Fat Frank. The first three he'll never match up to. There are simply footballers in each generation that ARE just BETTER than the rest. Cesc Fabregas will NEVER be as good as Kaka. Frank Lampard will NEVER be better than Ronaldo. Does that make them bad players?

In the summer I'd be amazed if we didn't sign an established, work-horse of a defensive midfielder to to complement the style of play Jenas can bring to the table. Remove Makelele from Lampard and you have a poorer Lampard. Remove a Mascherano from Gerrard and you have a poor Gerrard (just look at the England team! With no one designated to sit and mop up the play just infront of the back four both Gerrard AND Lampard have been awful).

Will Jenas ever reach the likes of Kaka? Not at all. But do I think he can reach the levels of praise and worth of Lampard to Chelsea? I reckon so. With more chances to dart forward, with more time to improve his finishing due to having more chances, he can reach double figures on a regular basis (his current rate isn't exactly bad, btw). Lampard's goals consist of 50% deflected efforts and 40% penalties with 10% coming down to individual ability (I do agree with the adage: "if you don't shoot, you don't score" though).

I'd fooking love it if Jenas got the winner. 3-2, last minute of extra time.


Anonymous said...

well put itsthemandus.. can't argue with most of that...

Anonymous said...

Jenas. He only needs one ball/
With it, he will skin you all/
Breaking, his passes raking/
His free kicks bend over the wall

Jenas. He scores against the Scum/
While Cesc takes it up the bum/
Jenas, with his large penis/
Shows the Gooners how scoring is done.

(A collaboration between Ze Prince and Maddog)

Anonymous said...

11.12am: The opening line makes him sound like Hitler, with the closing stanza going off on some John Holmes tangent.

I'll probably sit that singalong out.

Anonymous said...

One thing that disappoints me about Jenas is actually a massive positive for him...I have seen him, half a dozen times in a Spurs shirt, knock the ball past a defender and then chase the ball, outpacing the defender easily. He is a really quick player, and that is what disappoints me - he has only done this half a dozen times...why not more? It is such a great skill to have in your locker - just stop leaving it in your locker JJ!

JimmyG2 said...

Ok.I give in here is a song for Jermaine Jenas.
Does anyone remember a song popular in the 40's Charmaine by Lew Pollack and EMe Rapee?.No I thought not.Made popular by Mantovani and on a Frank Sinatra album "All Alone".Nice tune if somone at Spurs could play it over the speaker system it should go down well.Alright I'm getting there.

Iwonder why you keep us waiting
Jermaine,our jermaine
Step up and grab top star rating
Jermaine our Jermaine

2nd verse line 3

Dont be so infuriating

3rd.verse line 3

Score now end Jenas hating

Anonymous said...

Harry today I got to hold the Carling Cup (in my Cup Final Shirt), will U post the pics on here if I email them to you?


Summerspur said...









to jesus christ superstar ..... obviously

Anonymous said...

I like the new Jenas. The new JJ is Champagne whereas the old JJ was Asti Spumante.

Harry Hotspur said...

"When the ball hits the crowd or goes out of the ground its Zokora......."


EL said...

Summerspur, that second song of yours; it's genius.

Harry Hotspur said...

Wozza8 Where's your piccies then???

Anonymous said...

"Over the years Jenas has been missing from our team, our results/performances are incredibly awful."

You didn't see the Aalborg game then Jenas poncing about, down 2-0, for once he is actually subbed and it's a different team.

Some people are easily pleased so he can run around and has a bit of pace. He's got no vision, no idea of what is going on around him which results in him playing people into trouble or giving the ball away, that's when he's been caught out and had to do something because he's not noticed the player he's been hiding behind has lost his shadow.