Ainlsey Harriot. Ains. The Big A. When he's not endorsing with an unrelenting grin, he's busy putting racial equality back 100 years with pantomime eyes and Lordy Lordy theatrics that would shame RADA's most gut twisting eager. What a cult.
Everton away and so two of the Premierships 'Voted Most Likely To Succeed' but endlessly underachieving Top Four Wannabes collide. Everton looked as pale and insipid as Andy Johnson himself as Chelsea minus so many ground them out of Carling Cup. And Tottenham were put firmly back in their box by Man Utd who ended our FA Cup run faster than you could say, 'Don't do that Robbie, you'll just aggravate them...'
Spurs march onwards to Wembley. Whereas the Toffeemen are now on an all out assault on a Eurospot. Neither look consistently confident enough to achieve much.
Tottenham's problems are well documented. Like an Andy Capp barmaid. Pretty, in an obvious way; plenty up front but after a night of accepting too many ' and one fer yerself, love' ... rather defenceless.
Everton may tonight lack even the cheapo Boots No7 sparkle. Tim Cahill and Tony Hibbert are both suspended after picking up five yellow cards. Leighton Baines and Leon Osman are both subject to late tests .Joseph Yobo, Yakubu and Steven Pienaar are all still in Ghana. Arteta can be occasionally magnificent however, but will he be enough?
And the sausages? JGM - the only thing I ever found to remotely go with noodles, either with onions or just some 'roughing it ketchup'.