Saturday, March 10, 2007

Tottenham Fans: Do You Want To Kill Andy Gray?


A straightforward enough question.

I think the final straw for me was the 'if he stays' remark in relation to Berbatov. It was arrogant, clueless and bewilderingly uninformed. In many ways it summed up an awful lot of Ol' Moonface's work.

Gray has mastered the art of limited craft.

He sounds terrific. But his impassioned Celtic tones and dramatic cries actually camouflage ... quite a lot of old pony.

His ability to point out the bleedin' obvious and pass it off as divine revelation is now so well honed that when he blares out at 237 decibels, ' that was a simply wonderful ball' with hypnotizing cartoon bulbous eyes, we catch ourselves reeling.

Why had we not seen how good a ball that was? He's right. He saw the wonder and has thus enlightened us. He opened our eyes as it were, with his Hanna Barbera ones.

His party trick of course is hindsight. Quicker than you might imagine Martin Platt might be with Tracy Barlow, he's there, pointing out what's just happened with all the certainty and pomp of a man who had predicted nothing else just before kick off. 'This was always goin' ta be about Reading being able to manipulate the set plays.' Except he didn't.

Now, if you take an Andy Gray and pair him with a Richard Keys, you really can achieve a state of extreme contempt. Richard Keys, a man crossed between... two things that ought not have been allowed to breed in the first place.

Ok, if you pushed me I'd say half Thunderbird puppet remnant, half moron.

He too has created his own niche in the Peter Principle domain. In the land of the Keys, the man with half a brain is king. With the back of his hands freshly shaved for HD, he casts a knowing glance down the camera, remembers the twinkle in his eyes Granny Keys used to rave about when he was 8 and proceeds to speak in tongues to the Shortbread Guzzler.

'And indeed, conversely, what do you believe, if the opposite were to happen here today, might the outcome be?'

Key's is the lackey's lackey. Armed with only benign smiles and a total absence of product knowledge he nods earnestly with all the conviction of a QVC salesman who truly believes (as he extols the virtues of a three headed laser steam mop) that today will be the day the producer will tell him Newsnight are on the phone. Paxman's dead. They're sending a car...

I may occasionally wish the ex Evertonian Uncle Fester were dead, but I find myself more frequently lost in daydreams... wishing to savagely torture the monkey fisted Boxhead...















.

226 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Harry, Calm down dear!!! Everything about Sky is showbiz, not sport and personally I think it's great that we have two muppets that we can watch eat humble pie when we win...like tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

From CyprusYid! No Harry! What will we ever do without his one sided (usually against Spurs jibes, comments and predictions? I have only one thing in my memory that I keep playing back over and over again. His commenting on our Boy Wonder Lennon with the amazing lay-off to Tainio for the second goal against the Spammers! He could only say.."That's rediculous!" I love it! COYS!!!

brian draycott said...

I agree wholeheartedly Harry - if only they would eat humble pie!! I doubt it - the pie might poison them

brian said...

I agree wholeheartedly Harry - if only they would eat humble pie!! I doubt it - the pie might poison them

brian said...

I agree wholeheartedly Harry - if only they would eat humble pie!! I doubt it - the pie might poison them

Anonymous said...

As much as I cringed when I heard Gray's comments, I couldn't help but think that he's got a point.

Would any of us blame the guy if, say, Man Utd came knocking? Look at what they were able to offer Carrick in terms of opportunities?

Champions League (beyond our reach), genuine Premiership contenders (ditto).

In less than a season Berbatov has become our most valuable asset on the pitch. Last season, that honour fell to Carrick, and when push came to shove we couldn't keep him.

CyprusYid said...

FYO Mr. Anonymous... are we not going to be allowed to develop a strong enough team to challange the Big 4 because they come knocking on our door and offering big money? If that's the case, what if they take Berba, Lennon, Dawson, Defoe & Keane? What kind of challange can we mount in the following season? We must have stability and continuation. Losing Carrick meant that we had to wait until February to find the rhythm of the previous season. Not good. Gray can be as sensational and provocative with his comments as he wants, but we know he hates us being above his beloved Vills and Man United States! COYS!!!

Morgan. said...

i'd like to kill him with lawrenson,(lawro rht club and gray the seal). but i dont think its just us i think its all fans of the game.

sean k said...

no one cares what they say neway talkin of more important matters when our we getting a bloody left winger instead of continually shuffling the team round to suit this. if we did just how much more effective would lennon be playin on th right side not to mention the other players filling on the left!!!

Anonymous said...

As a Spurs fan, its always a worry that when we do get hold of a truly world class player he might/probably leave, this is undeniable- Waddle, Gasgiogne, Campbell, Carrick to name but four and they all left. At present we have one- Berb, with two that are very close to that level- Lennon and Dawson and the hard reality is that if any of the 'bigger' clubs really wanted them they would eventually get them, so its up to Spurs to offer these players a reason for staying and that's is what we are slowly moving towards.
I cant help but feel you're shooting the messenger here after a painful truth has been revealed.

Anonymous said...

Keys and Gray make Saint and Greaves look like Einstein and DaVinci!
What a couple of first class SKY twats; the jock and the monkey(although that's unfair to 99.999% of Scots and all primates).

dannyboy said...

To answer the original question - no! The bloke is a twat and totally anti-Spurs, as are the whole of Sky Sports, but to commit a barbaric act such as common homicide? Bit extreme Harry !!

It's down to Spurs, as usual, to prove all the doubters wrong, starting with a handsome victory against the Russian West London team. We're on a roll - 5 on the spin, loads of goals, countless heart attacks watching them (!) but watch us go!

COYS

Anonymous said...

Harry, spot on! Gray and Keys have found their niche. When Gray went for the Everton job, he knew where the comfort zone was and hightailed it back to sky. Keys is a reject from Good morning Britain (and should be sponsored by Gillette)and his limited football knowledge is there for all to see. Whoever,is top of the pile he likes! - Dangerous Dave

Anonymous said...

Everyone knows Gray's a pain-in-the-arse and shouldn't be allowed on camera, let alone as a pundit opening his mouth. My final straw was long long ago when he had a go at SPURS for wearing a "bbrow-nnn" kit, saying we'll never get anywhere with it- history is obviously not Mr. Gray's forte..

If only pubs would turn off that annoying (insert expletive here) and put 5 live commentary on instead...

Anonymous said...

Of course they deserve to die. But who to replace them? even the ex-spurs commentators seem to support the other team - Les Ferdinand with West Ham last week, Gary Linaker with Leicester last season and Jamie Redknapp was going on about how he could see Berbatov playing at Man United.

How about Harry Hotspur and that bloke from Spurs Odyssey? They could argue at half time about the youth team and only Spurs fans would watch.

Anonymous said...

the andy gray tottenham bias stems way back to his footballing days every ones knows that. isnt it a shame we beat everton in the cup & poor andy gray lost & holds bitter grudges. that seems to have rubbed off on all sky commentators shame were getting better every game & are now pushing up the league again. andy gray mate get a life you sad lil man

Anonymous said...

i would have thought that fater posting that stuff about ledley king, you'd have learnt some kind of lesson.. I guess not. I'm getting really bored of your self publicating drivel. Grow up

spursmad said...

Andy Gray is typical of a good player (in his time) with a BIG mouth, who could never make it as a manager, he spouts total and utter crap. He could never hold the respect of players when he tried to become a manager and to be honest can't even hold the respect of the public. His comments upset players and fans. Does anyone remember his Julian Dicks comments in which he nearly had his head kicked in by Julian?

Pedro Morgado said...

Nice game. Supporters were fantastic.

This picture is wonderful.

Thank you, spurs!

Anonymous said...

The worst thing is that I used to like Angry Day when he first started out. Now the whole show seems little more than an Arsen*l fanzine and it's quite sickening. There are more ex-Gooners at Sky then there are at the Bin Laden Stadium, which I hear the arabs are thinking of turning into a paddock for their horses, in an effort to win something.

Cusop said...

Andy Gray is daft old kant!!

Anonymous said...

two facts to remember:

1.if he stays is fair. do you know the future? Berbatov is 26. how long do you think he can waste in a club that doesn't give him trophies? logically, get the cups and he'll stay. otherwise, unless he's got sawdust instead of brains, he'll go.

2. Mourinho is unbeaten home for five years. do you think we have the team to destroy his personal pride? forever hopeful, but I doubt it.

sidyid said...

Great stuff Harry...

Pascals Cornrows said...

That hairy, gurning chimp irritates me more than I can describe. Redknapp, Graham, Ferdinand, Sherwood, Hoddle. They are all the same. I have sit and listen to Charlie Nichlas, Paul Merson, Lee Dixon and Frank Mclintocks open and overt bias towards their former club. I can't name one pundid, other than perhaps Mullery, that openly talks as if Tottenham are their club, or have any kind of bias towards them at all. Mullery is miserable bastard anyway.
As for Gray, kill him.

Anonymous said...

That hairy, gurning chimp irritates me more than I can describe. Redknapp, Graham, Ferdinand, Sherwood, Hoddle. They are all the same. I have sit and listen to Charlie Nichlas, Paul Merson, Lee Dixon and Frank Mclintocks open and overt bias towards their former club. I can't name one pundid, other than perhaps Mullery, that openly talks as if Tottenham are their club, or have any kind of bias towards them at all. Mullery is miserable bastard anyway.
As for Gray, kill him.

Anonymous said...

Don't knock Les Ferdinand folks,.. he actually said that 'as a Spurs Fan he wanted us to win', but as he had spent some time with the Hammers, he felt it would be a shame if they were relegated. Fair enough I say...

Anonymous said...

Gray doesn't even know the rules - he thought that there needs to be "daylight" between players when enforcing the offside rule, when in reality any part of the attacking player being in front of the last defender when the ball is played counts as offside. This was during Spurs vs Arsenal last season when Arsenal scored yet another offside goal.

Y1DD07 said...

Harry, this is my first post on your blog so I'd just like to say it is a great site that you have here.

Regarding this post, I think Andy Gray is very skilled in that he manages to p!ss off virtually every team with his comments. I unfortunatly managed to stumble across a gooner's blog not so long ago and see a post on how anti-arsenal they think sky and Andy are!

The most recent annoying thing for me though was when I made the compilation for the game you posted on here against West Ham and the only bit of commentry I could use as our final goal went in was Mr Gray repeating "oh no". Even the Channel 5 commentry is better as you can actually make some sense of what they are saying...

However, if ever a Spurs performance fails to make you want to go to the lane ever again, I'm sure Andy Gray could certainly find the words to inspire you on a Sunday afternoon to make you want to go to the lane again every other week for the rest of your life as even when united put that 4th goal past us, at least the person next to you doesn't remind you of the recent carling cup loss, the 4-3 FA Cup game against city, the 5-3 against united, and a whole load of other times we threw it away.

Thank goodness for Fanzone, mute, Jamie Redknapp and the thousands Spurs fans doing their best every week to overshadow his comments!

Anonymous said...

Harry's got this one spot on.

Anonymous said...

Who cares about commentators and colours of kits and trivial stuff that actually means nothing in reality? Children that's who. Grown ups who support football teams know that the sideshow bullshit that comes with the game is certainly not worth caring about, but I suppose there are so many who like the sound of their own voice and just need to fill space with irrelevant crap about nothing.

The Tailor said...

I have to agree Harry. It really annoys me to hear all the press trying to unsettle Spurs as soon as they go on a decent run. It's all said in the hope thy can report another crisis. Morons the lot of them.

dannyboy said...

BLOODY HELL !!!
Even the Sun newspaper is against Spurs! Todays edition shows the 'Striker' comic strip beating us 2 - 1. They can't even get the detail right, as Y-P lee is shown wearing the number 4 shirt!
You couldn't make it up.
I hate the media.

COYS

Anonymous said...

10/03/2007 17:04:26 NewsNews Headlines Media Link
News Archive Desktop Alerts

Martin Jol reports that Paul Robinson and Robbie Keane are out of Sunday's FA Cup quarter-final at Chelsea.

The pair miss out on the trip to Stamford Bridge after picking up injuries in Thursday night's UEFA Cup Round of 16 first leg win against SC Braga in Portugal.

Goalkeeper Robbo has a thigh problem while Robbie suffered an ankle injury in the first half but managed to continue and score twice, winning that first leg for us in injury time.

The pair join Ledley King (foot), Jermaine Jenas (groin) and Danny Murphy (Achilles) on the sidelines although striker Mido returns after missing West Ham and Braga last week with a cyst on his knee.

Speaking after training on Saturday, Martin told us: "Robbo can't play because he has a little tear in his thigh, although we're hopeful he'll be back next week.

"It means Radek (Cerny) will play and Robert Burch will be on the bench because Ben Alnwick is also injured at the moment.

"Robbie is also out. He took a kick to his ankle in the first half on Thursday, it's sprained and we'll have to wait and see how long he's out for.

"We have a few knocks and bruises but Mido is back."

Anonymous said...

mr. daintz & al.

Reading The Sun piece on Berba,I just recalled the thread we had here days ago about a song for him, in which I suggested the Carmen song.I remember posting that his performance with no goals reminded me of a toreador. Now I'm so glad he chose his free-kick against West Ham as his favourite goal, because it is a matador's goal. His impressive concentration before it (check the highlights)has "murder" written all over it. That's what you have in bullfights before the bull is killed.
I still think the Carmen song (my version) is the most appropriate for him. (I can hardly imagine the ridicule of having the same music for both Berba and Mour sung tomorrow ).
Hope he can handle that ferocious bull Mourinho is.
Ole !
Spuryid

sidyid said...

well done harry, all the late comers are with you!

John_Pull_Goati_eh said...

Gray & Keys are on the slippery slope. How long do you think sky can continue with the tired format that those two spew out every week?
Lets toast their demise, it's in progress!

Anonymous said...

The proper question is:
Do you wanna kill Martin Jol? the answer is: YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Mourinho's laughter is heard in Lisbon!

(Unless Berbatov is injured, I swear I'll put a curse on that asshole of Jol that we'll never get it up again for the rest of his life!!)


The Wicked Witch of the West (WWW)

Anonymous said...

Mourinho's most famous quote:

They had everything in their hands and they wasted it!


Today it happened, again.

Told Ya !

Anonymous said...

Reasons for why we did'nt beat Chelsea:

Mido is rubbish, and Gardner who is 6.4f is shite at winning headers!!

To sub Lennon off was nuts!!!!

4 Ever Hopeful said...

Probably too late but anyway totally agree about Gray and the sickly Keys come to that.

Gray is probably on commission from Fergie to unsettle our players. He hates us. Goes back to the time when he heard we had signed Andy Gray on loan. He got all excited, dug his boots out of the loft, polished them up and then found out we had signed some wally from Crystal Palace with the same name.

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