Harry Hotspur

Harry Hotspur Has Moved to OleOle.com!

2008-06-04T05:45:00.010+02:00

Harry Hotspur has moved to OleOle!
Please update your bookmarks: http://www.oleole.com/blogs/harryhotspur

Some of you may be aware I was wanting to give this blog a proper web site. I found the process pretty tedious and the rewards were frankly mixed. It became evident to me you can hemorrhage money and still produce results that a 'rather dull child could have drawn while attempting a graveyard in the moonlight'. Blogger is limiting but at the same time very friendly... Mmmn.

Then along came OleOle.com

5000 teams catered for in more languages than Denholm Ellliot spoke in Indiana Jones &The Temple Of Doom. A truly massive football site crammed with dedicated zones and a truly blinding array of widgets.

Live Scores and Live Match Reports of Premiership, Primera, Seria A, International and MLS games. In fact, under one roof you can keep up to speed with every bloody team and competition in the known world.

There are endless forums for those of you who wish to eat each other. Podcasts and a Fantasy Football competition with real prizes like tickets to the Euros Final. $20,000's worth in total.

There's a video zone where you can upload your choice. So if Dannyboy wants to inflict every bloody piece of Hoddle footage in existence on planet earth on us and I hope he does, he can.

There's a photo gallery. Facebook and others were creaking with dozens of 'Our Day Out At Wembley.' lost in largely unviewed photo albums. Endless snaps of grinning mentalists photographing each other on the train, then random out of focus shots of the sky and some people who might have been even playing football. Now these historical artifacts can be given a real home.

Look, there is so much on offer here. My advice is get stuck in. I've so much confidence in this operation I've signed a three year deal.

This is the future.

Brian Potter wanted to create sunshine indoors for the people of Bolton. This is a global football equivalent of that man's dream.

The new address will be...

http://www.oleole.com/blogs/harryhotspur

Dos Santos To Sign In A Matter Of Days...

2008-06-01T13:55:00.006+02:00

Shout when you can see him...

The Spanish are indicating that the light at the end of the tunnel is indeed light and not as some of us were beginning to feel, the front of an oncoming train.

Giovani Dos Santos will come with the usual endlessly tiered contract dependent upon the usual variables of appearances, goals, Super Mario Kart Hi Scores etc.

The player's agent is said to have been busily sparring with THFC bean counters earlier week and this thing could be resolved as soon as tomorrow. Monday.

The agent has said, "The project is promising and has offered Giovani ambitious and wants to become great in the Tottenham and helping the team to be. . It is true that to leave the club this is a risky decision, but for his qualities seem to be the best option for him." Which doesn't sound too awful, as agent pronouncements go.

The player's father is quoted as saying, "it is an honor that teams such as Tottenham are set in Giovani, but there is nothing official yet but is well under way." Which is again optimistic enough fare for any Spurs fan, I would've thought.

Interesting snippet to all this is that the father goes on to remark that the ankle injury to his boy is now good and the recovery ought meet the dealines.

BIOYC!

Spurs May Yet Come Undunne

2008-05-31T20:44:00.007+02:00

There may have been a 'slight snag'

Harry Redschnapps is trying to ruin a Daily Mail exclusive!
An alleged medical has been allegedly postponed as a result.

"I like Richard Dunne. I think he's a top player but I think there's a couple of clubs in for him at the moment, but I think we've got as good a chance as anyone now." said 'Arry.

Pompey are by their own admission 'in' for Dunne. Newcastle's name is being bandied about, but my view is that 'bandied' is about the size of it.

There is an added dimension to this of course in so much that mouths in Portsmouth have expressed an interest in Kaboul. A player as we know who has been very vocal about wanting to join Pompey...

Which player would you take?

Keano is said to be "really pushing him hard." This is a family show and consequently I am appalled at the thought of this sort of thing taking place, ahem, unless it's consentual, of course.

This is the same Keane who failed to convince Duff to bring his good self our own injury table, by the way...

A Veritable Torrent Of Triffic Transfer Tales...

2008-05-30T21:19:00.003+02:00

Wilson: Can't be too careful nowadays, y'know? Lot of "tea leaves" about, know what I mean?
Warehouse Foreman: Excuse me?
Wilson: Tea leaves... thieves.

Here is what I got.

Bostock I have no info on and whilst I sincerely hope he's another Bale in terms of quality, I am nervous that the Internet attention to this signing has been blown out of proportion due to the Club's clamp down on leaks...

Capel. Allegedly a bid has gone in. I submit it was tendered by a man wearing oven gloves.

Dos Santos. A chap called Jasper on Spurs Odious is positively gushing information that specifically says we are the Club that has stormed in with an offer in proper order. Which is to say the lump of the lolly up front. He adds that Inter et al are sniffing but only with HP bids. I have had only one email to confirm this, but the sender has, so far, yet to be wrong... So...

Dunne. A brand new source emailed earlier this week and was SCREAMING this was going to happen. Now the Daily Flail are running it. Me? I hope so. He's NOT world class, but for the love of... he is would be what I would expect as a squad player from here on in. I have dear reader, high hopes for us, y'see.

Hot Gossip & Pans People. Okay...Lennon & Benty Off

2008-05-27T19:58:00.007+02:00

The choice of Anon 9.37 and many a (metal) guru before and after him...

And here's what I have for you, my dears...

Lennon may well be sold.

Bottom line is Moniz (yes, skills coach to the stars and it is rumoured, Martin Jol's Ham & Burger Army) feels the winged heeled one isn’t improving and we have given him a lot of time and he’s still not taking it in and delivering on the pitch. So word is Senior Ramos won't hesitate in selling whilst his market his value is still high.

FLASHHEART: Oh, that's a piece of luck. Thought I'd landed sausage-side! Ha!
And so may Darren Bent be yet.

Franz Carr, has been asked to broker a deal for Bent to Hamburg. A fee of £11m has been agreed and he now has the option of moving out to the Fatherland.

All I can say is you heard it here... at some point.

I see some bloke on Spurs Odious is saying we haven't had any bids in for Berbatov. Loyal reader, be assured as a result, I have handed matters over to my attorneys at law, Darth Vader & Sons this very evening. How very dare they.

Berba's Flim Flam Earns Him A Bloody Good Telling Off

2008-05-25T00:28:00.009+02:00

Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaron.

Tell Mitka and Whassisface they can both **** right off, will you? Cheers love.

'Berbatov refused to comment the question of the day about his future and didn't reveal if he's going to stay at Tottenham or to move to one of the numerous European grands, which show interest towards him.'

So says Bulgarian journo Kristalina Ilieva.

"Let's wait. We wait to see how the summer will go on. I want a lot of things, but you should ask my manager Emil Danchev. I do not want to be speculated with my word, I do not want to talk." Berbatov says.

So for those of us still awake, the costermonger's biatch is now not just 'merely a child in these matters' but complicit in the charade. You don't want to talk? That's alright, Harry's feeling chatty enough for the both of us.

Listen up, you little Blagoevgradian Burk. Be under no illusion, we're on to you.

We aren't just punters. This club is ours and we, sweetheart, are in deep.

The unfortunate reality is that a man say, like Teemu Tainio, is worth ten of you in terms of what he feels he owes us, but he can only ever give us in terms of 'goals n' magic' a fifth of what you can deliver.

I love what you did/can do for us, but am appalled that we are now indulging your coy whoring. You see, me, we were waiting for you to break cover and reveal... something.

Levy, get this EMPLOYEE in check. What should I tell you? That a growing number of us don't want THFC being used as a shop window from window to window by this down at heel Danubian Double Act. I know you know and I don't mean to patronise. But If I don't bark at you, it's the moon.

Bayonet fixed, HH.

Enquries Made: Thomas Kahlenberg

2008-05-24T11:01:00.004+02:00

We are making enquiries about Auxerre's and sometime Danish International attacking midfielder, Thomas Kahlenberg.

Twenty five years of age, six foot tall and all his own teeth. He is fit, fast, technically sound and would translate into the Premiership without any great fuss. If this is one is on the cards, then get him in. He went to the French side for £2.5 million in 2005 so one might expect to land him for ooh say, an amount in excess of that figure.

Cue obligatory showreel...

No Bids In For Berbatov

2008-05-21T21:23:00.004+02:00

Tub thumping, verbally flatulent...only our mother's can tell us apart.

Old Emil has now turned his nickle twisting sights back on THFC.

And after much banging of his big Bulgarian comedy triangle and cries of, 'CERMUUUUUUURNGEDDIT!' it seems the queue barriers wheren't required afterall. Danchev's latest spiel is now some class of precocious damage limitation.

"Bulgaria's top-striker Dimitar Berbatov is very likely to become the best-paid player at the White Hart Lane stadium, if he decides to re-sign with Tottenham Hotspur,"

"Dimitar will not play football all his life. He is not so much after money as after professional development. It will be a hard summer for him, during which he is to decide where to continue his career"

It seems my attempt at funny yesterday in respect of hidden depths that latently lurk within the tortured genius were far too close to the truth for comfort.

So then, to recap.

FOR SALE: STRIKER, SEEKER, SEER.

Anagram to play with: and evil mench.

(Mench being a form of yiddish for human)

The Latest Emil Danchev Interview, Translated

2008-05-20T20:19:00.007+02:00

A talented footballer and his pet money grabbing toad from Planet Awful

"Money is not a priority for Berbatov. He just walks his road of progress step by step and now it is normal at the age of 27 to look for a new challenge. Dimitar Berbatov develops also as personality, not only as a footballer. His intentions about his foundation are clear for a long time now."

Translated: The collosal avalanche of money in transfer offers I'd anticipated has not been forthcoming. 'Ahem, my client is not only a footballer of some note you know, but a wonderful painter, accomplished flower arranger and er.. poet to boot...'

Asked if tomorrow's Champions League final between Chelsea and Manchester United could appear too decisive about Berbatov's career, Emil Danchev answered: "Answer to this question could give only the managers of these two clubs. Although, probably not, if I'm not in Moscow at the moment."

Translated: 'Oh yeah, that cobblers... Of course, Rodney, as we say in the old agent game, Bonnet de Douche.' Which means is he's about as much in contact with Sir Alex or Avram Grant as I am with Danny La Rue. (I'm not. Stop it.)

"There is no fixed price for sale in Berbatov's contract. I have my own vision for the things, but I can certainly say the price of Berba will be what the market and talks make it to be."

Translated: 'Iron. Irrrrrrrrrrrrrrrron! Not the 'orse, 'arold. You wouldn't leave me, wud'ya, Harold? Irrrrrrrrrrrrrron!

Dos Santos - Heavier Links Than Marley & Marley...

2008-05-17T21:41:00.008+02:00

I make no apology for my (as yet) failure to deliver a bound and gagged, rolled up in a piece of carpet, bound for Hackney Marshes, old school gangster style ITK, boldly stating that "_________" is In The Bag type, exclusive. It's tough out there.

And nay saying Mofo's be aware, I will obliterate your petty snipes with counter, quality snarls of 'Bale & of Bent'....

Modric was off the radar (with apologies to Sony's lawyers...) like no other...

There wasn't a single piece of vaguely credible insider info nor even half decent speculative press about Moreno until the Cruzeiro president confessed all under... little/ no questioning... about our bid being too low. This spurious release was designed to prompt a bidding war of course.

So UK Radio Talksport are not the exactly the font of insider stuff, but they are p u s h i n g this. There are mumbles 'after the event' but Talksport seem to be still on the high of a large night out, shall we say table talk was loose and left them... 'very confident' over Santos. So let us induldge them.

So hey, let's enjoy the speculative moment. What we DO know is THFC are out there shopping on behalf of all of us.

No? Go on the Levy.

Daniel, give me a nudge at the usual address if you've anything good? Even Spurs Odious are on the ropes...

Here's a look at another young man I have very, very strong reason to suspect we're genuinely offering money for.

Spurs Outbid

2008-05-15T20:59:00.006+02:00

Marcello Moreno is the chaps name.

THFC I am told, put in an offer of £4 million.

Shaktar have allegedly had a £7 million bid rejected, so hey. But we're in Tevez territory here. Uh oh. Yeah, this chap barely owns his own shoes. Cruzeiro only own 40% of him and the suggestion is that they aren't killing themselves to sell him because they'll only get a proportion of the transfer fee.

Arthur Daley says, "Mickey Mouser forums have been mentioning his name for a while and Real have also mumbled his moniker. Gawd knows, Terry, large VAT."

Here's the ubiquitous You Tube footage, of what might've/could've been. I mention this as I am given to understand we will go back in for him.

***BONUS INFO***
The Source of Sources tells me we had people in Manchester last night in relation to a certain tip top Russian who I tipped as a possible signing earlier. His native American Indian Name is Resulted In Hairless Bottom.

Spurs Have Bought The 21st Century Cruyff

2008-05-13T21:21:00.005+02:00

“There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.”

I know, You Tube showreels can even make your nan look worth every bit of 16.5 mill. But in the words of Jon Ronson, 'For the love of...'

Our purchasing so far this window to quote Christopher Biggins, has been Safari So Goody! Anyone remember that show? Come on you lot, this is THE Hub. I seamlessly (pfffffffft) give you Shakespeare, Ronson and Lukewarm in one hit....

COYS

Monkey Pawed Richard Keyes Swore On Air Today...

2008-05-11T18:21:00.005+02:00

Monkey pawed Richard Keyes swore on air today. The only shock was that he wasn't watching Tottenham fading out of this season's Premiership campaign as he did so.

More bizarrely Al Fayed's in Europe. Albeit on an Egyptian passport, but I'll hazard a guess he's not fussed about the details.

And John Terry's in A&E. You lucky, lucky nurses. My money is on a really hilarious bed bath joke before they even fill out his admission details.

So then, the last day of the season. One where the wheels dramatically fell off Man City. Keegan emphasised to Mike Ashley that he wasn't talking rot, Toon are second rate.

And West Ham fans will be rejoicing in the streets after their point at Villa. That and the fact they finished above an outfit as ropey as Spurs. It always quells the domestic violence figures when they're happy, so I embrace such rare moments.

And what of us? Fewer cries of 'We One Da Cup!" and more 'Transfers transfers transfers.'

HH Interviews Kaboul! "Tottenham Are Wasting My Time"

2008-05-09T21:43:00.014+02:00

A mix of truth and cobblers.............. must be HH.

Younes, you were storming in the pre~season and then a tad w**k in the Prem. Your thoughts?
I paint a generally positive assessment of my first season at Tottenham. I had come here to join a team particularly ambitious, who wished to integrate the quartet of leading the Premier League, but did not go as hoped. For my part, I played 31 matches all competitions combined, I participated in the adventure in UEFA Cup, and most importantly I learned a lot from this first experience in England.

Johnny Cash sang 'Hurt', Did BMJ getting 'le boot' make you hum this song much?
It is certain, since it was he who had wanted to recruit me, despite what some English media have tried to do, m'utilisant as an intermediary in an imaginary war between Jol and Damien Comolli, the manager of Spurs. Some journalists have reported that English Comolli, who is French, made me come without the agreement of Jol, which is perfectly false since the two were always very well heard about the Martin Jol me supervised during the last two months of the 2006-2007 season before me to sign Tottenham .The arrival of Juande Ramos has changed everything ...

What occured my old son, vis a vis les Gaffer Nouveaux?
Well Juande Ramos did not trust me, simply. From there, if you do not trust your coach, things can not happen ideally in a club ...

As they used to put it to suspected defecting Russians during the cold war "Are You Offski?"
Yes, there is no other solution. As I said, I learned a lot this season, I have made great progress, mainly in the apprehension of matches and in terms of maturity. I do not want to waste my time so I want to leave Tottenham.

So, we've established you're a quitter. Anywhere specific in mind or just round yer mum's 'til the heat cools off?
There are contacts with clubs like french for several seasons. Olympique Lyonnais in particular wanted me to take last winter before turning to Jean-Alain Boumsong ... There was also the PSG and OM. My agent has also received proposals from Hamburg, Germany. . But I must say that my main priority now is to stay in England, a very exciting championship where the best players in the world is changing. Newcastle interested in me, I do not deny, but I would like to join Portsmouth.

You do understand a Red Nose is not just for Christmas?
Portsmouth is a very ambitious team, which will soon be a training center at the cutting edge of modern technology and seeks to build a team over the long term. The latest recruitment (Lassana Diarra, Jermaine Defoe, Milan Baros, John Utaka or Sulley Muntari) demonstrate their willingness to come and upset the established order in recent seasons in the championship in England. Besides, Harry Redknapp, who is here since 2005, is a coach symbol of stability and it suits me quite.

Is it a done deal, Can I run this as an exclusive?
Unfortunately not. You big awful fat hit whore. I want to go there, but both clubs have to negotiate and agree on a transfer fee. My contract with the Spurs ends in 2012, therefore, everyone knows where they stand. My agent knows my position and it works in this direction.

Obviously I didn't conduct any class of interview wiyh ol' YK. But thank you to football.fr for being there when I needed to lift the responses he gave to your questions...

http://www.football.fr/fr/footballfr/cmc/transferts/200819/kaboul-priorite-a-portsmouth_46170.html

Spurs In For Miguel Veloso

2008-05-08T20:20:00.004+02:00

I know, I know, this isn't a world exclusive as quality Internet source Archibald broke the suggestion we were fishing in these waters last week. But all I'm adding is that I've had two equally decent sources through the door both yesterday and tonight telling me varying stuff inc. that even Levy himself is/was out there this week getting this guy for us.

Go on The Levy!

Here's a half decent showreel.

Spurs In For Diego Milito

2008-05-07T16:30:00.003+02:00

Diego Milito anyone?

Who knows, but frankly this is one of the best YouTube soundtracks I've heard in a dog's age. So consider this chap as you enjoy what little sunshine there is left in your day.

Of course if he is unveiled before the game on Sunday, you heard it here first of course...

He's twenty eight years old, knows where the onion sack is, currently enslaved with Real Zaragoza and regarded by many as quite wonderful. Who they then Harry? Well, Sven for one. He was sniffing around after the lad's services as recently as January this year. Money? Negotiating from £18 million downwards

Eto'o Deal Still Bubbling, Bubbala?

2008-05-07T15:01:00.006+02:00

Well according to Spanish footy site Marca.com we're very much in for Samuel Eto'o. No, I cannot tell you how credible Marca are.

Money wise Tottenham are thought to be in the right region. Wow. This is all a long way from the club that was once likened when negotiating for players as, 'someone wanting HP on a second hand washing machine.'

The suggestion is that there will be some class of conclusion when representatives from from both clubs meet next week. Was the London Evening Standard on the money when they said we had a born again refrigeration expert in Spain after the United tie?

All I will add is that I did hear a whisper and believe me it was a whisper that there was something pretty eye catching in the pipeline for this window ie a household name ~ still yet to come. This was largely I might add due to what I've termed, 'The Ramos Factor'. And so could this be it?

The prize for the first know it all/ nothing at all to make a you're out of your mind Harry etc etc post goes to...

Ten Colour Snaps & £15 OFF THE NEW SHIRT!

2008-05-07T12:27:00.009+02:00

Well here they is folks, in glorious technicolour.

Obvious points of contention in no particular order... the home socks, who's' brainchild were they? Why are we persisting with the Argy blue? Is brown the new black? And last but not least, how many conspiracy theorists will it take to point out that Berbatov is not only absent? Take heart then JGM, no sign of Bent either. And it seems they didn't even bother launching a goalie strip... has Tommy Forecast handed in a request too?

Can you imagine the PR preparation for this launch? More turbulence than a biplane circling King Kong.

Get £15 off by clicking on the link above or below this article. This is a genuine deal set up with HH and Littlewoods. Not some generic code, so enjoy!

Latest Berbatov Interview ...It Doesn't Look Good

2008-05-05T16:21:00.007+02:00

Bored hanging around? You must be Tottenham...

- According to an article in Daily Telegraph, if you were an Englishman, you would be the second most important figure in England after Her Majesty the Queen and you would have played eighty matches for the national team. Have you ever regretted being a Bulgarian?
- Oh, I am proud of my nationality although sometimes, when I am having a drink with my friends, we speculate on how much more famous I would be, if I were an Englishman or an Italian, for instance. It's not easy to be a Bulgarian, but it's an interesting experience. Although I earn my bread abroad, I feel best at home, in Bulgaria.
- How do you feel when you read interviews with women who say they have slept with you?
- I get p*ssed off for about five minutes, but then I calm down. I am above these things. Such interviews cannot make me lose my temper, because my close friends know what's the real situation about me.
- Who's the woman by your side?
- My career is the most important thing for me at the moment, but I know who of the people around me love me and I know whom I love. I also know who the mother of my children will be. I'll raise a family when the time for it comes, because everything has its good time.
- Statistics shows that Tottenham Hotspur win trophies only in years that end in "1". Does it mean that you'll have to wait until 2011?
- Bullsh*t! I don't have so much time. By then, I'll probably have given up football! I have read this statistics, but this year we won the League Cup and thus we refuted it, right? This was a great match at the Wembley Stadium and I'll never forget it. Not only did we defeat Chelsea, but I also scored a goal. I hope there will be more moments like that in my career. At the end of the season, I'll have talks with the management of Tottenham about my possible transfer.
-Do you have an idea of how much your fortune is?
- I have no idea, honestly.
- What do you invest in?
- Now I am investing in my future - I play football so that one day, when I give up football, I'd be able to work for pleasure not for money and my family will be wealthy enough.

Interesting enough from the 'Statistics' question. Given that this went out on Saturday in Bulgaria, it is a current enough announcement to me that our boy is playing it so cool Steinway & Sons are getting Iceland to deliver the Concert Grand he ordered.

Why won't the ****** simply say he's off for the right money? Because, babe, the money has yet to be right.

Why won't he simply say he's staying? Because, babe, he's ready to walk. And to think they called Chimbonda mercenary...

With all acknowledgements, due thanks and gratitudes etc to our good friends at Bulgaria's MAX Magazine.

Spurs & Boris Win, But Taarabt Hands In Transfer Request

2008-05-03T22:02:00.010+02:00

What can I tell you? Nothing about this little lot. Even the 'Not quite in love with Robbie Brigade' will fail to welcome another three points...

Oh, yes, freshly stolen* from Spurs Odious, Edel Taarabt has handed in a request and been asked to wait untill the summer but we want to keep him. 'To do what with?' Has to have been his response.

And Kaboul, what of Kaboul? He's the subject of an offer of £5million from Portsmouth...

What a mess.

Keep It Tottenham.

Eto'o On the Premises

2008-04-29T14:09:00.003+02:00

I'll be called everything under the sun for sharing this, but what the heck.

Eto'o has been spotted at White Hart Lane.
The tale is convenient if you wish due to the game this evening, but the nature of the source is unique and not to be immeadiately discounted.

There's no fleshing this out at present so I shall leave it with you and declare April 29th the first day of Open Season on HH. Oh yes, and don't forget, VOTE BORIS!

Signing Number Two Is Done

2008-04-27T11:50:00.004+02:00

THFC have beaten Chelsea, Reading, not to mention the mighty Wycombe Wanderers to the signature of Sean Jocelyn.

Spurs scout Darren Britnell said of the eight year old, "I think he is something very special and as soon as I saw him I knew he was a real talent. He is the best boy I have ever seen in that age group."

For the full story read the Bucks Free Press...

http://www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/sport/sportroundup/display.php?artid=2223941&FROMPAPER=bucksfreepress.co.uk

More transfer news as it lands folks...

I Saw Louis Walsh In Marks & Sparks On The Way Home Tonight. It Wasn't Prearranged, You Understand, Just Saying...

2008-04-26T21:12:00.006+02:00

I saw Louis Walsh in Marks & Sparks on the way home tonight. It wasn't prearranged, you understand, just saying... And then it struck me. The opening line of today's blog. How dull and ordinary 'celebrity' can be. As commonplace as commonplace could be. Just a bloke with a basket of microwavable veg and a precooked chicken.

So at least 36,176 people had a similar experience to mine today. They bumped into a household name and were left a bit... non plussed.

Our latter day saint ~ The Harmony Hairspray Girl, Berba (C'mon, you remember, 'Is She Or Isn't She...?) and Co. crucially failed, today, to highlight our day.

It's easy to say we ought be knocking teams like Bolton over the avertising hoardings and into the car park for uncomplicated sixes and fours. And guess why? Because we bleedin' well oughtta be.

The off the radar/low key signing (ie they kept that BL**DY quiet) today was inspired. It may compromise my Arshavin prediction, but hey, HH is here for the greater good, not is own tinpot glorification, despite what the bottom feeders may say...

Highlights is all I saw. Berba wove a weave or two, his header was close. And Bent... As they say in some parts of the world, God Loves A Tryer.

Gilberto is inspired and it's so good to see him again. Steed should have had a second but did not. Cerny wasn't to blame and I like him. I'd like Amelia more.I want a seasoned performer at top dollar playing for us between the sticks. We need to rubber stamp the rest of JR's signings.

Gary Megson looks like a second hand car dealer who owes money to someone heavy. Disappointed with today's result? Get lost you balding oaf. We might be a bit useless at present, but I'll let you know when you can get cocky in N17 and rest assured, today isn't your cue, dear.

Spurs In For Midfield Dynamo

2008-04-23T12:11:00.007+02:00

The name in the frame is nineteen year old Jonny Howson. Mmmn. So one of Mr Comolli's 'one for the future' jobbies then. He's a central midfielder...

"Jonny Howson has been outstanding... Everybody wants to talk about the goalscorers and the position we are in but I want to talk about Jonny. Over the last week we have changed the team and put a few youngsters in. They have come out with flying colours." Denis Wise.

And here's two recent comments made about him I dug up on a Leeds forum...

"Jonny is a class act, footballing ability he is in a different league to the rest of the squad. The lad gets the ball down and plays the game the way it should be. Yes he will have off games due to his age etc... but I believe he has all the tools to go right to the top. "

"Howsons come on leaps and bounds, perhaps if we had started on zero points wise might have given him more of a chance, hes still short on stamina for me, I think he drifts a little in the last 20 minutes. will be a quality player in time though."

Tottenham Negotiating For Ronaldinho

2008-04-20T14:06:00.004+02:00

Now it might be argued that there's more chance of Bill Shatner being wooed in a Spanish hotel room and installed as Juande's replacement, but here's what I have...

Essentially a golf buddy of Paul Kemsley and pal of 'an agent that acts on behalf of Spurs in many transfer dealings' are saying...

Totteham are in advanced negotiations with Ronaldinho for the transfer of the player to White Hart Lane.

"There are only two clubs negotiating us and AC Milan."

"His preference is to come to the PL....... and he does not want to join a CL club, but rebuild his reputation by helping a club into the CL... and he wants to play in London......".

Also, it is alleged that he has already visited THFC on more than one occasion.

And this will make you laugh, the one sticking point is the filthy lucre.

He wants £140,000 pwk.

And we have offered £ 70,000 pwk.

But with Plan A that 'sponsors will make up the deficit.'

Or Plan B whereby an annual bonus of £3.5 million be paid.

(Woodgate is named in this info as our highest paid player at the club at £60k per week.)

This tale comes from private members forum Spurs Odious and specifically poster Markspurs, who's information is generally of a tip top nature, hence me sharing it with you.

Obviously Ronnie will have to embrace some cultural differences, like he's NOT going to bump into the likes of Alexander Paressant down Faces, innit...

Player Ratings, Highlights, Snaps, Quotes...

2008-04-20T13:19:00.011+02:00

Cerny 6 Was alright. One goal, a fumble but generally good.

"Overall a point isn’t a bad result for us," Juande Ramos.

Dawson 6.5 Up and down. Some decent blocks and sometimes beaten.

Hutton 6.5 Clearly wanted to go forward but lacked a spark when he got there.

Zokora 5 Relatively awful and that's not just about being outpace by Heskey.

O'Hara 5.5 Out of position. Where the hell are Gunter & Gilberto?

Lennon 7 Ran at'em and made the goal, then he faded.

Jenas 6.5 The runs forward were good to see, then he faded.

Malbranque 5 Probably should have been subbed he's had better games.

Huddlestone 6 Some good passing, some snoozing.

"That goal took the wind out of our sails" Juande Ramos.

Keane 5.5 One commentator said we lost direction when he went off. I want to know what map we'd been using up until that point?

Berbatov 7 Elegant and aggressive, then he faded.

"In the second half admittedly we were slightly weaker" Juande Ramos.

Lilywhite Lottery

2008-04-19T13:54:00.006+02:00

King Staying At The Lane stories proliferate the press and my first reaction was who expected him to travel to Wigan anyway? Then there's an offbeat piece on Sabermetrics and a chap called Beane. Which sadly only got as much interest as it did as the legions of cyber parasites queued up to tell the Grauniad they'd spelt Keane wrongly.

So to the untelevised matter in hand. Wigan away. Frankly Tottenham look every bit like mid~table patsies who might well be handy for a point or three as we hit the last games of the campaign. And if you think that Wigan, Bolton or Liverpool have a more charitable view of us, then you are my friend, delusional. This game would be our THIRD away win of the season.

Robinson's ankle sprain means the Wardrobe On Casters that is Heskey will be up against Cerny. Chimbonda hasn't trained all week so he's out too. Calf strain. And from a calf to a goat or two, here's my Pick Of The Pops:

Cerny
Hutton Dawson Woodgate Gunter
Lennon Jenas Tainio Gilberto
Bent Keane

Subs: Forecast, Huddlestone, Malbranque, Taarabt, Berbatov

As you can see I have employed spite and mathematics in equal measure in my selection. I'm benching Berba for his agent's Goat Getting activities and by my reckoning Jenas is not due another corker of a game until Liverpool, so I'd save him until then.

I think I'm being infected with the teams apathy and am finding it difficult to see beyond the draw. A glum one a piece then for me.

A New Spurs New Goalie. Allegedly.

2008-04-15T21:06:00.004+02:00

Pay Attention...

Evening all.

Rangers keeper Allan McGregor is the name.

Frankly at five mill I would EMBRACE him as our Number Two. More interesting is that not only have I had an email or two from decent chaps that agree, but Spurs Community forum member 'Walton' appears to have similar 'goss' to share...

"...his old dear works with a mate of mine and passed on the good news this morning...

So there."

I do love people who write a comment on a forum where they only stand to get eaten

alive and say... 'So there'. Fair play to 'em.

Harry Speaks... Another Football Fancast : Part One

2008-04-14T21:09:00.004+02:00

Hit the Football Fan Cast button above and you can yet again hear the beyond illuminating spoken word of the world's greatest Spurs blogger.

Pfffffffffft.

And the sadists at FFC have decided to split my pronouncements across two shows. You lucky, lucky people...

Danchev's Transfer Showdown With Levy

2008-04-12T10:45:00.013+02:00

'In this life, one thing counts...'

The pint sized parasite that is Berbatov's agent, Emil Danchev has announced his rat like intentions to square up to Daniel Levy in the coming weeks over his 'client's' transfer value.

Now a date hasn't actually been set as he said he'd be seeing Levy on either the 16th or 17th of this month. I'd imagine the phrase, 'It's Danchev on line three, Mr Levy' is greeted somewhere between 'Tell him we've ceased trading' and much sighing and rolling of eyes at WHL these days...

Making EmilOfIt was larging himself this time on Bulgarian Talk Show 'Ring Free' declaring..."We have twice given up talks about Berbatov's new contract and this is due to the fact that Tottenham are unwilling to fix Berbatov's transfer price, which is needed."

The Penny Polishing Pimp continued...

"Tottenham start to become too small for Berba. He is 27 years old and he needs to win trophies. It is high time he was transferred to a club that regularly plays in the Champions League."

Emil Danchev is 4'10".

Berbatov On Milan, Utd Oh Yeah... And 'Some Kids'

2008-04-12T10:07:00.005+02:00

The Spurs (for now) Striker gave this interview in Bulgaria in relation to some foundation he's launching... Is it really the translating that makes the last two quotes uncomfortable reading?

And what is with the first response? I'm picking up a ' delicate, tortured soul vibe' here. Two words. Uh and oh.

Dimitar, how did you come up with this idea of establishing a foundation?

Honestly, it dawned on me while I was lying on the couch. Many ideas occur to me from time to time, but I let few people know about them. My dreams spread far beyond the football field, although I have now given myself to football completely.
Will there be a football school named after you?
It's only a project for now. There are many ideas, but the most important thing is to find sponsors. One day we can found a boarding-school where the kids will train football, but let's not put the cart before the horse, now.
And what will the first step in this direction be?
We have to first establish and register the foundation. We have already listed the people, who will be in its managing board, but I do not want to mention names for now.
Will your teammates in the national team - Martin Petrov, Stiliyan Petrov and Valeri Bozhinov, join in your project?
They are close friends of mine, but I haven't spoken with them, yet. The door is open for everybody.
Can we see you in the chair of a sports minister in the future.
My ambitions are great and I am interested in many different things. For now, however, I am focused only on the game.
Will you try to win over football legends like Zinedine Zidane, who is your partner in the UNICEF campaign, for your cause?
I'll be more than happy if football legends like him support my cause. But I think everybody is willing to give their support when the matter is about helping children.
Rumor is going about that representatives of FC Milan have approached you, is it true?
There is some interest on the part of the Italian club, that's all I can say about it. I'll be flattered to go to talks with them.
And what about Manchester United?
I know that Sir Alex Ferguson wants me in the team, but for now I play for Tottenham.

Jenas NOT Off

2008-04-12T09:05:00.005+02:00

Here's some good news for Dannyboy!

Quality newspaper The People amongst others sparked rumours that the sporadic supremo that is Jemaine Jenas had put his house on the market. They then 'concluded' this was in conjunction with him moving out of London and moreover out of Tottenham's midfield.

A source every bit as tasty as Mae Ploy's Sweet Chilli tells me he has indeed put his house up for sale, but what largely prompted this were the two burglaries he and his young family suffered at the address.

Jenas is not looking to move out of London, rather he's expressed a desire to remain in the Barnet area. I can't believe I resisted my first choice headline, 'Jenas Going Nowhere'...

Robinson's Off

2008-04-11T00:24:00.005+02:00

Paul Robinson's future has been the subject of pretty intense speculation. In Rumour Explosion :A Drunken Robinson & More it was suggested that he was off.

I'm now advised by what I regard as an entirely excellent source that he has indeed 'had enough'. This is what Robinson has allegedly told at least one of his team mates...

I'm given to understand that he wants out of The Lane and moreover the scrutiny that surrounds his every performance. What he fancies is a club up north without the pressure.

You heard it here.

Rumour Explosion : A Drunken Robinson & More...

2008-04-03T23:14:00.008+02:00

"Do you know something that I don't?"

"Bubbe, I probably know a lot you don't."

So the scene is set. A boozer, a drinker, a small audience. Paul Robinson had just gone outside to take a call from Fabio Capello to say that he'd been called up. Here's the shakedown...

Ramos has the nickname of "The Spanish One," "Berbatov is a bit of a moody ****." Mmmn, so far, so what? I hears you say...

Robbo allegedly said that he was actually quite annoyed at being called up for England recently, as he had plans with his wife and didn't want to ruin them. He added that he would definitely be leaving in the summer and that Lennon, Dawson and Berbatov
were also leaving.

In addition to this also comes from an entirely separate source...

Robinson and Chimbonda 100% leaving Tottenham. YP Lee deal as good as done back to PSV. Berbatov enquiries made but the THFC have priced him out the market.

Aaron Lennon not going anywhere. Not even Newcastle.

In the softly spoken words of Harry Hotspur, what do you make of that little lot then, my Pedigree Chums?

Spurs Scout In Norway For Central Defender

2008-04-02T20:57:00.008+02:00

A Tottenham Scout named as one Bryan King (former Millwall and Coventry goalie) has been watching a Molde FK twenty year old central defender... Vegard Forren

The story is backed up by the kid's agent who said "I can confirm the interest of Tottenham. The London club watched him and yesterday took official steps. A bid from the English club could be made in the coming hours. I accept all major credit cards and Luncheon Vouchers."

The money is thought to be around the million pound mark.

I'd love to presume that this interest in 'one for the future' doesn't reflect our buying policy for the next window and we'll also be in for some finished articles. But presumption is the mother of all f*ck ups, so I shan't.

Tottenham's New Captain Announces Himself

2008-03-31T22:30:00.004+02:00

The answer's Woodgate.

I'll be honest, Robbie Keane is a star, but I've kindda reached a point in my support of this club whereby I'm looking for a little bit more than pointy shouty finger wagging at linesmen. The self indulgent anorak hurling of the other week didn't appall me, it bored me. I think I said at the time all it served to do was give the other lot a giggle at our expense.

I'm looking for a captain who's prepared to Captain before, during and after disaster.

So as M*A*S*H's Radar used to say... Now hear this...

"We massively contributed to our own downfall,"

"We didn't defend well at all, not just the back four but the team in general. You rely a lot on your midfielders as well if they play three up front with one in the hole. You defend as a team and when you are not doing that, you are going to get beaten."

"I don't blame them for leaving early - I wouldn't have stayed and watched that, would you?"

Step forward and step up Jonathan Woodgate.

This, my friends is the mindset we are after. A man in line with the contained rage of Gus and in line with all of the 'you sold me a ticket AND THEN STOLE FROM ME comments that have swamped not only this blog but countless other Tottenham forums all over the Net since the Toon Fiasco.

Vote Woodgate.

Trouble In Paradise: Thus repuls'd, our final hope Is flat despair

2008-03-30T21:23:00.006+02:00

Eddie, you didn't really put our life savings on Spurs to beat crappy old Newcastle, did you?

What a fiasco this season has been and become. With all the Cyber huffing and puffing you'd think we'd all fallen from the sky last week hadn't been through all this before. Spurs have been making a fist of it for a dog's age. No consolation when you've schlepped out to watch a side with top four aspirations deliver a performance that only serves to underline their league position.

Looking around the Net tonight there's a fair element of Witch Hunting but the problems are beyond the individual errors, there's a broader malaise at The Lane. Incompetence? Ha ha, close. Complacency. This lot think they've the job done. Trophy won, Europe in the bag, autographs all the way to the Bentley dealership.

These are the same players, Jol fans, who began to strut, then switch off, then throwaway leads last season and the beginning of this. And they still haven't learned a damn thing.

Poyet was clearly not only embarrassed but bewildered as to how this shiftless mob had failed to maintain the new discipline that he thought had been successfully instilled since he and Ramos took charge.

"You have to be careful what you say. I'm trying to be calm and not make a mistake, when I'm calm in a few days I can chat about this game... It's going to be a long week for everyone at the club."

These are the words of man incandescent. Translation?

"I want to apologise publicly to everyone who paid good money to watch the perfumed ponces who wasted an hour and a half of our time today. I plan to scream and throw small pieces of furniture at them initially, but by God if they don't sort themselves out they'll be wishing they left with Paul Stalteri."

Paradise is where we were after deservedly beating Chelsea, a genuine top tier European side,and winning the Carling Cup. Top Five? Fifth rate Guest House Paradiso is where at right now. Unlike the movie, we need to demonstrate we're not run by imbeciles. It's my belief we're not, but we are staffed by some.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Newcastle United Prematch Prattle

2008-03-29T11:22:00.004+01:00

Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have Kevin Keegan thrust upon them. Probably not an entirely rough gig if you're Mrs Keegan, but for 'born again' barcodes this is a torrid old time.

The Toon have always produced a turgid brand of football, but the real difference this season has been the lack of points earned whilst they go about it.

Big Sam, universally deemed to be a man capable of producing much from modest means went there and died a very public death. Mike Ashley's decision to fire him has kind of been proved as 'a bit previous' in so much that the problem is now looking endemic. If Allardyce was part of the problem, then how come his removal wasn't part of the cure?

Kave-in Keegan has achieved one thing. He caused Alan Shearer to make the biggest exhalation of air ever and remark 'Thank Christ I didn't take that'.

So to the game itself. Tottenham are on a wrecking exercise. The plan as I see it is to amass as many points as possible and with Europe in the bag, to really upset those we meet. The pressure is not entirely off, but there are teams out there who need to stay up. Teams who need to break into the UEFA zone. And there is Tottenham.

Lilywhite form is ropey but worse yet is that of the former Brut Boy's Brigade. If one player is to open this game up for us I can see Huddlestone doing it and so I'd like to see him start. We're not, repeat not Fulham and I don't envisage us as Keegan's second scalp. Prediction? 3-1 to us.

COYS!

The Ashley Cole Enquiry

2008-03-23T09:04:00.006+01:00

"The evidence before the court is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire. In all my years of judging I have never heard before of someone more deserving of the full penalty of law. The way you made them suffer your exquisite wife and mother, fills me with the urge to defecate." Pink Floyd ~ The Trial

Lies, lies and damned lies. If there is any justice left in the world then Chelsea are going to hell in a handcart. What beggars belief is that they actually think that anyone is so stupid as to even remotely entertain their crooked bleating anymore. Cheats.

You watched the game, now you can read every shameless word at your leisure. We ought start with the class act that is Ashley Cole.

The tackle was a straight red. He ENTIRELY failed to connect with the ball and instead 'took out' Alan Hutton. Yes, I acknowledge that no major damage was incurred by the Spurs man, but that isn't the point. The potential for horrific injury through such an ill conceived 'challenge' is obvious to even the most stubborn and bird brained amongst us.

Cole then compounded the tackle with blatant dissent. What a tough guy. His back to Riley effectively saying, 'just get on with it you Wimp - Hurry up, I'm Ashley Cole.' I thought I was angry as this was happening. But I even surprised myself at how incensed I became when the wet fish referee then proceeded to book Keane.

We have to endure the Boxhead Freckled Shrek Rooney SCREAMING obscenities at point blank range at officials virtually every week. Robbie Keane makes a pretty mild approach and is carded. Joke compounds joke.

Damage limitation galore. Cole and his pal the dog, Terry then wheeled out their fake sincerity shtick. "I'm an emotional person, things can happen on the pitch very quickly but I didn't mean to disrespect the referee," Well shy of pulling Riley's shorts down and lashing a custard pie in his face, I'm at a loss to understand what more you could have done at the time to disrespect him more.

Terry's version of events are comical. "I asked Mike Riley to calm the Spurs bench down and then he told me he was clear that it was a high tackle and it was a booking so I pulled our players away. I think people see me running 50 yards to pull them away and they think I'm running over to get involved but that wasn't the case on Wednesday." Of course the killer line of revelation here is 'but that wasn't the case on Wednesday.' Why say that?

What Terry is subconsciously admitting is that ordinarily he does run 50 yards to browbeat referees. We know what we saw on Wednesday and that is EXACTLY what he did on this occasion too. His first concern was to distract from what Cole had done and tempt Riley into getting involved with the justifiably animated Tottenham bench.

Whilst Cole's 'apology' was worthless, Terry's 'praise' for Mike Riley was priceless. "We need to listen to refs and they need to listen to us. Let's not scream and shout at each other." Pffffffffftt no, there's more...

"Mike Riley was great on Wednesday night. I thought he dealt with the incident brilliantly. He was clear about how he saw it. He communicated it very well." Please, stop no really, I can't take anymore. The winner of Best Supporting Actor goes to... John Terry.

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Tottenham Triumph

2008-03-22T21:03:00.008+01:00

Another day... another Triumph

So Benty scored one and made t'other. Good stuff. Sometimes you gotta share the love around... Neither his nor O'Hara's were cinematic masterpieces rather products of pressure and determination. Welcome one and all says I... here's some highlights.

Only to add I still have a good grouch to give on the whole Cole foul fiasco which will hit your his res recepticles well before your last bunny is burped this weekend. COYS!

Prematch Pompey Prattle

2008-03-22T08:03:00.003+01:00

After 3237 'articles' during the week dissecting the possibilities I can reveal what all us knew from the off, Jermain Defoe will not play. This game was a 2-1 win last time and barring disaster (YOU know who you are) it's difficult to foresee this being much different. Of course, all dependent upon which Spurs side amble out of their Ferrari's and Hummers after extensive breakfasting of course.

An interesting game for England fans and I wonder if the new coach will be present to have a butchers at James vs Robinson? From this perspective alone, the game may end up meaning more than it does. Will King play? Gawd knows.

My team would be:

Robinson Hutton Dawson Woodgate Chimbonda

Lennon Tainio Huddlestone Malbranque

Berbatov Keane

Some old camp scouse defender predicts a 1-0 Home win. I'll suggest the more obvious ie, a belter and am going for 3-2. Kanu can be tasty.

Four To The Floor

2008-03-19T23:15:00.004+01:00

Well it's all kicked off at The Lane. Fat Fwank has had a piece of Jenas, Terry took time out from urinating in pint glasses to knee Berba. Woodgate rose MAGNIFICENTLY to head in his goal. Then Essien's classy finish beat Robinson.

Berbatov scored, which is always good news for his agent. There was a slight delay afterwards as Mitka dropped his Dunhill lighter so Riley together with his linesmen helped comb the six yard box for it.

Joe Cole scored twice. Tom Huddlestone came on and committed a couple of daft fouls, lost the ball, simulated a foul, then redeemed himself with a sweet sweet strike. Keane's goal was the last equaliser of the night. Twenty yards out and what the Germans call Wunderbar. 3-1 down at one stage, Tottenham ought to have won, not nicked it, 5-4.

Ashley Cole isn't a very nice man. When not dismounting stinkers to vomit halfway through cheating on his long suffering wife, he's busy playing the man not the ball.
His dissent to Mike 'Wet Streak Of Nothing' Riley only served to remind ALL WATCHING what an abysmal shirt to wear the Chelsea one truly is. How spineless, clueless cretins like Riley can remotely claim any competency whilst being openly ridiculed by a wannabe thug like Cole is beyond me.

Highlights are HERE.

Spurs Striker Is A Cigarette Smoker...

2008-03-17T23:10:00.011+01:00

One page I regularly enjoy is that of the England goalie formerly known as Calamity, David James. I nearly fell off my polo pony when he casually revealed in this piece http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/sport/2008/03/16/its_time_for_the_whole_game_to.html ... Dimitar Berbatov is a smoker...

Previously it was a revelation to me that Michael Dawson was at least a 'party smoker'. My initial reaction, as a fan, to the photo of him jarred up avec snout was that I wasn't hugely impressed. But as an ex smoker (I only ever did it to make me look hard, you understand) who has since been caught in possession of the odd oily rag after too many wifebeaters, I did at least sympathise.

I'd take a wild crazy guess that the Premiership is littered with many others. But in an age where clubs are fixated with dietary intakes, isotronic drinks, and gyms with machines that would leave Dr Who scratching his head, do hidden ciggies really have a place in the dressing room?

What are your thoughts on these multi million pound athletes partaking in a habit that is scientifically proven to be how put it mildly... er, not good for ...humans? Is Ramos happy with 20 Players?

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We Was Robbed. It Was An Inside Job. (Player Ratings)

2008-03-16T20:46:00.007+01:00

Auditions For The Tottenham Midfield Step Up A Gear

A relatively awful game. Man of the match was Benjani. He showed endless enthusiasm and ploughed on despite the galaxy of no marks Sven has clustered around him.

Our best player was probably Chimbonda. Why? Because he reminded me of how he used to play when we bought him. Great interceptions, useful passes (assist inc., obviously) and... hold tight on the upper deck... he wasn't caught out of position.

Robinson.

The first was offside the second nearly knocked his newspaper out of hands.

Chimbonda

Good stuff. Put out a few fires.

Dawson

Alright. Which is to say not awesome. Which is in fact a very big job, being awesome.

Woodgate

Looks like a squatter, plays like a seasoned Champions Leaguer.

Hutton

Physical, intelligent and should blossom alongside Woodgate.

Zokora

Waste of rations. Is a DM? Is he AM? Is he in the Witness Protection Program? Came out of hiding twice. Shouldn't have bothered. I'd seen him fall over before and didn't need a re~run.

Lennon

Not good enough. I thought we'd moved on from the tedious needs a final ball conversation.

4.5

Huddlestone

Pretty average. Some sweet strikes but yet again needs to do more.

Malbranque

Grafted but to little end.

4.5

Jenas

Overhit spot kicks and underhit corners. The cocktail of champions.

4.5

O'Hara

A bit nothingy.

6.5

Berbatov

Dismayed with the third class service from our second class midfield and rightly so.

6.5

Keane

The strop was foolish. Great to know his passion to play is permenantly at boiling point, but coat throwing and dummy spitting only incites ridicule from the other lot. Not to mention the open show of contempt for Ramos. Players are employees not prima donnas doing us a favour and consequently can wind it in. I hope he enjoys his fine.

5.5

Benty

A patronising 'Bless' from me.

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City Away : Prematch Prattle

2008-03-16T11:58:00.006+01:00

I'd say Bouncing back is the order of the day. Wound licking over and a good old fashioned away win, please. And City may well oblige us in the task. Petrov and Richards are out and Dunne faces the old 'late fitness test'.

Tottenham travel minus Kaboul, plus Gilberto. Presumably King will be reserved for Chelsea. Or Easter morning, or Christmas Day. Who knows.

I'd field...

Cerny

Hutton Dawson Woodgate Gilberto

Zokora

Lennon Malbranque O'Hara

Berbatov Keane

As you can see, my bitter and twisted campaign against Chimbonda continues a pace. Benched. England's number Four? Benched. Jenas, benched. In their stead are players the Midweek Psychics amongst you grandly denounced as chickens and softies.

City have had a much better time of things than Spurs Premiership wise, but my Indian Spirit Guide Dave tells me that this afternoon will be a goalfest. Tottenham a winnin' by at least two or three goals. And I think Steed is due one.

Penalty Fare: Ticketless Chump Chimbonda

2008-03-13T21:08:00.010+01:00

Well first up it was football match and not a bus crash we just climbed out of. We must start by acknowledging that Tottenham played quite well.

PSV weren't exactly crackerjack last night but they are Champions League punters and to beat them 0-1 at home was a credible deed.

Sure, the first half was too reverential in places. And ultimately we were only just unable to snap PSV in ninety minutes. Whilst just isn't good enough, the European Tour is only postponed. Not forever cancelled.

There was much to be proud of. A few of the lads floated in and out of the game, but no major hanging offences. Keane persisted in a game that had all the signs he might evaporate, so he gets a mention of sorts in dispatches. Everybody kept running and the defending was a task undertaken by everyone. Tactic? The substitutions were expert.

It's all over bar the shouting and I've a feeling that may go on for a little bit yet. The penalties. I am an old fashioned chap at heart. In the tetchy, driven words of Don Logan, Preparation preparation preparation. This mantra cannot guarantee a silk purse production line from a pallet of pig's ears, however it will absolutely increase the likelihood of success.

Jenas? Under hit, wet. Chimbonda? Slack, slipshod, useless. Pick an adjective.

It's my belief that every squad player in a team that plays in competitions where SUDDENLY the duty of penalty taking could require players beyond the two or three 'specialists' ought practise taking them.

If, after practising they are pants, which I would qualify as anyone unable to belt the damn thing AWAY from the goalie, yet still ON TARGET at the goal... they must be removed from the list.

I'll echo the sentiments of many and draw this to a close by asking where was the technical tour de force Steed Malbranque when Pascal Chimbonda was hitting the advertising hoardings? I could weep...

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BIOYPSVC!

2008-03-12T14:06:00.010+01:00

It's not difficult to have blind faith in Ramos. As a wise man once told me, 'It's all about perception.' Juande's every bit the self assured Europhile. The housewives choice. All double espressos and a Mont Blanc pen. You'd imagine he probably smells nice. A mature version of Jose Mourinho, minus the Daft gene.

Easier still to see him delivering for Tottenham with his latest Nicholsonian quotes.

“Tottenham always play to win, whether we start 0-0, winning 1-0 or losing 1-0. We have no other type of football or concept of playing. We are going to play like we always do and nothing more."

"We need to create chances to score and above all to score early, so nerves do not creep in. We need to play with maximum intensity."

Maximum intensity? Sounds like a modern day version of..."If you don't drag yourself off the field exhausted after 90 minutes, you can't claim to have done your best."

"This Spurs side is good enough to go there and win by two clear goals. We have no excuses going into this game. We have to treat it as a final because we need to win, it's as simple as that." So Gus is an unforgiving mood. And rightly so.

The task before Tottenham is all of their own making. Harking back to Wilson's comment on here after the West Ham win, the team that won the Carling Cup indeed need to show up again. This tie is now hard work for all the usual reasons. And it will require every drop of commitment and focus from the entire squad if the deficit is to be overturned.

I totally agree with the tactics. Go out there and rattle 'em from the off. One of the reasons we beat Chelsea was that we didn't throw them the ball and ask them to show us what they could do with it. We seized the game by the scruff of the neck and never stopped forcing the issue. It was the same against Ar5ena1.

PSV are a technically profficient, thoughtful enough outfit who need to shaken up and charged at. I don't mean kicked, I mean dominated. They know victory is well within their grasp. And they won't be risking much. Spurs must not allow themselves to get stonewalled or worse yet caught on the break.

Our attack must begin with a back four playing beneath a sign marked 'CLOSED' and end with no nonsense quality service to the strikers.

"It will be very tactical out there, but for us it's simple. Go out there, score goals, and win the game.."
Gus Poyet

My team is:

Robinson

Chimbonda Dawson King Woodgate

Zokora

Lennon Jenas Malbranque

Berbatov Keane

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...and Silver Hotspur did come in at 4/6...

Tinkers Told To Move On...To The Championship

2008-03-09T20:35:00.007+01:00

Obviously I'm taking full credit for Gilberto's selection, his goal, the victory and indeed anything good that happened in the entire world since I nailed my colours to his mast.

Berbatov was either poorly marked or he's an exquisite assassin. Probably a bit of both. I thought the crucial factor was the supply. Huddlestone's assists were top draw. Both passes were expertly struck and all ol' Mitka had to do was rise like the demonic spirit he is and whistle them into the wire. What a love.

Gilberto and Bent's goals were opportunist enough but not lesser fare for it. Bent will need more than this to feel as punchy as he did the first few times he pulled on the Lilywhite shirt, but his recovery has to start somewhere.

West Ham are in genuine trouble. Buffered by points they aren't yet suffering Newcastle's ignominy of sliding south after every game, but twelve goals conceeded in three games is a straightforward crisis.

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West Ham Indoors: Precox Garrulitas

2008-03-09T12:13:00.007+01:00

Our league position is no des res. Should we win our next two games we'd remain two points behind West Ham and stay eleventh. Whereas only four points beneath us and spinning in an anticlockwise direction down the plughole is Kave~In Keegan's Bar Codes.

Whatever loose rhetoric of doubles there might be, we urgently need get our Premiership act together. The Hammers travel with it all to do. Back to back 4-0 defeats courtesy of The Pool and The Chavs will have taken it's toll. Alan is up to his Alans.

There is genuine discontent in the Temporary Campsite with many part-time fortune tellers predicting that unless Curbishley starts to play some entertaining football he won't last the season. Quite who they'd lure with lucky heather and an unlimited supply of pegs is anyone's guess, but they're allowed their dreams.

The vulgarities of money. Some value then, in correct scores. Especially if you fancy the Pikeys...pffffft... All doomsday scenarios to one side, for a Tottenham win the 'eye catchers' might inc... A workmanlike but probable 2-1 is as just alright as 15/2. Spurs to go in at half time 2-0 up is a more likeable 8/1.

Our lot improving the supply chain and delivering 3-1 goes to a vaguely sugar coated

14/1. Clearly the bookies are hesitant after our flat lining against PSV, but not so hesitant as to retire any of us early sould we get it right. Manic depressive? Spurs to lead at half time time but throw it away and land only a draw is just for Pfizer fans at 15/1. My team selection?

Robinson

Hutton Woodgate Gilberto Gunter

Lennon Cuddlestones Steed O'Hara

Berbatov Keane

Prediction? A possibly scrappy but three point delivering affair 2~1. Come On You Spurs!

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Gilberto? 100% Support From Harry Hotspur, So There...

2008-03-07T22:51:00.007+01:00

She's A Lovely Girl, But She'll Always Have Her Knockers, HH Ain't One Of 'Em.

I'm sick to the back teeth with the unadulterated, uninformed rubbish that has been spewed in the last 24hrs in relation to Gilberto. What wonderful welcome. What a baptism of brainless blah blah blah.

This guy has a genuine pedigree. We are not dealing with muck here. But apparently it all counts for bupkes after not even 90 minutes with media petri dish darlings Tottingham Hutzpah. Give me a break and give him one.

I refuse to just 'truck along' with this so called universal critique of this man's first performance. This contrived, humourless Witch Hunt Hokum. Totally contrived all of it.Was his shoe the last to leave the ball before we got hurt? Yes, but for Chrissakes, it was hardly an incompetent own goal or some other really awful big piece of gross inepittude. The truth is that newbie Tottenham watchers in the media are big on man hours but small on worthwhile comment. (Unlike me of course, who's consistantly brill.)

I instinctively like this chap. I actually want to see more of him. He is dynamic. Needs a bit of work/adjustment? Don't we all ? To do is to dare? Yes it bloody well is. And you, you precious few whom are asked to come to play for this wonderful club are asked to bring your ambition, your flair and some daring do. You don't make an omlette without breaking a few eggs. So let's get stuck in in and bring it on. Before I die of WhatIfItus.

Am I the lunatic fringe? A mentalist that can see a team that embraces both the loose cannon Taraabt AND the match thrower Gilberto? Yeah. HH is the enemy within.

BIOYC!

Terry Dixon Exclusive Interview: Buggered & Bitter.

2008-03-06T21:41:00.011+01:00

This is from Terry himself.

Me? Comment has been passed that we as Club don't have a tremendous rapport with our 'exes' other than our legends.. Graham Roberts for example has been treated shamefully for indulging in little more than 'free thought'.

Dixon? The free thinking among us will acknowledge that it ain't Spur's fault what happened to him. Afterall. We aren't Newcastle, our charges don't train on a ploughed field..

Terry Says...

"People knew that I'd had injury problems for the last while. People within football knew that I had left Tottenham so word got around that I had finished, I had retired,

but that's not the case.There are no guarantees and I have a bit of a way to go, but I do hope that I will be able to play football again. At what level, and with any success, I don't know, no one knows that now."

"I had a real high in my career, in my life, when I was in the Ireland squad and on the bench for a game at Lansdowne Road. If that was the high, this is the real low at the moment, leaving Tottenham.But I do have a real hope that I will be able to play football, at least earn a living from football and see where it takes me after that.

"I went to see a specialist a while back and he gave me a bit of hope, he said it's possible that I can play again and be a professional. At this stage it's only a possible and there are no guarantees, but I am strong in my own mind and I am determined to get back playing again.I am finished with Spurs now, but I have had clubs in touch with me. "

"A couple of teams have said they want me to come there so I can do my rehab and get back training. If I get my fitness up and can show them that I'm able to play without any problems, then I will have a chance of signing.I will see how I am feeling in the next few weeks but I hope to be able to go to a club soon enough and start doing some more work. At the moment I can do some jogging and some work with leg weights, I have done a bit of passing and some ball work so that was good for me, to work wth a ball again.

"There's a long road ahead of me and if I do get back, it will be next season. Spurs paid up my contract. They said that they couldn't take any more chances on me and my fitness, they said that they didn't see it happening for me there. It was hard to leave, I had been there for ten years and to be honest I'd hoped they would treat me better."

Whilst I'm genuinely sorry for the fix you're in son, who is it you think OWES you a living again???

"There are clubs interested in me and that's a boost for me. I have a good family and

friends around me but it's good to know that people in football are also interested and want to sign me.I will try and get fit and give it a go with some club. This could be my last chance, so I have no reason not to try. I haven't achieved anything in football really, I haven't played a club game and I haven't played for Ireland, I want to do both of them so hopefully the knee can clear up, I can get fit and achieve my goals.If I can't play again and if I have to quit, at least I know that I tried, and I will do something else. I have been doing coaching courses and I want to stay in the game so I'll see what the future holds for me."

Courtesy of The Evening Herald...

Tottenham vs PSV: Prattle Of An Entirely Prematch Nature

2008-03-05T21:55:00.006+01:00

Full steam ahead...geddit?

The Double is on.

Everyone is borderline fit bar The Boy Bale and Ekotto. My mate Al is allegedly ineligible due to some old Rangers connection, but I believe this to be a ruse. He's actually in a secure unit being couselled after his Garth Crooks grilling.

Ramos we instinctively like and think this wiley fox will have our boys ready to rock come Thursday night. Whilst he took the gamble at the weekend, it was his soldiers that let him down in it's execution. My view is that he will take the route with the boys that moving on, does anyone not understand our intent for this competition?... and let's bleedin' well do the business.

Ramos has quite rightly referred to this game as "a barometer of where we can go". How more chillingly accurate could these words be? They emanate from the previous manager of the only really good team we faced in this comp last year. Mmmmn. The challenge then, is laid out to his new charges. 'We've a tournament winning squad. Are you able for another, chaps?'

My squad then:

Robinson

Chimbonda Dawson King Woodgate

Lennon Jenas Malbranque O'Hara

Berbatov Keane

= 11...

My Bad Bet Bonanza then:

PSV first half, Spurs second is a uneasy 22/1.

Spurs to go bonkers and look like Champions, winning 3-1 is short enough at 12/1.

Tommy to come on and knock in the last goal of the game? 18/1, son.

Spot kick karma? O'Hara due a Carlingless Consolation? Anytime 5/1.

BIOYPSVC!

Chelsea's Racial Profiling Shame

2008-03-04T18:20:00.009+01:00

'Chelsea end tickets. Best prices...Get one's Chelsea end tickets here'

This story from Football 365, which you couldn't make up.... http://www.football365.com/story/0,17033,8695_3213082,00.html

inspired this...

Chelsea Football Club have, this week due to an exceptional opportunity, stepped up their Racial Profiling. Announcing: 'Non~Club Members of a Greek Nationality buying tickets for the Olympiacos game will have their orders cancelled.'

With 'some' ticket applications being reportedly scrapped ahead of next week's match, Chelsea have defended their actions by claiming that "unprecedented pair" of Olympiacos fans disguised as moody, generally sh*t support had attempted to infiltrate the home section.

Cheatski stand accused of racial discrimination, with staunch fan since 2004, plasterer Terry Pappadoppilopidos 49, one of those who have had their order cancelled."It's proper double discrimination. I'm right disgusted innit," he told The Tart Paper. "Me and my mate may have Greek backgrounds, but we're sh*t Chelski support through and through."

The gutted fan continued, "Me and Dave is gutted. Our record as sh*t support speaks for itself. We've been rock solid Cheatski for years. We're always virtually silent at Tottenham. We once left the Emirates around the 65th minute and decided to swerve a final in Cardiff completely 'cos we was offered double bubble for our tickets by some scousers in a Bernie Inn on the way down there. We are dyed in the wool Blues."

Chelscum Spokesman Martin Bormann Jnr, was quick to defend the Clubs actions, "The last thing we want is to have our tepid support undermined by these Non National, constantly cheering, sing~a~long Johnny Foreigner types. We're not taking any chances. This club has been under seige from allsorts. One rumour doing the rounds after Wembly last week is that our Head Coach is Jewish. Enough is enough."

Alan Hutton: Interview

2008-03-02T14:11:00.006+01:00

Click HERE

For those of you who may have missed this, an excellent interview from the BBC. Spitting Image was a wonderful series, can anyone imagine just how popular a Garth Crooks, Sports Reporter puppet would be if they still made it today? In the words of Alistair McGowan, "Garth Crooks, for example, sounds like Graham Taylor, only slightly more serious."

Anyway, great to hear Hutton explain the delay in Spurs securing his signature and not to mention how welcome Celtic fan and new neighbour Robbie Keane has made him feel...

Brum Drop Spurs Off At Sketchleys

2008-03-01T20:06:00.005+01:00

Or Birmingham City take Tottenham to the cleaners.

In the softly spoken words of the dearly departed George Harrison, My Sweet Lord. Stone me, what a fiasco. Bashed by the Bullring Boys. What one might call an ignominious return to reality after the near out of body experience most of us had last barely a week ago when we beat Chelsea to win a Cup Final.

Ramos set his stall out. Above his wares he erected a large sign, saying 'PSV GAME COMING SOON'. Keane was benched for the imposter Bent. Zokora played along... conspiring a performance his greatest critics would relish. Only Jenas, Hutton and O'Hara seamed to want to deviate from the second rate script.

I am loathed to mention the over toothed lobotomized failed gameshow host Ian Wr*ght on this hallowed blog, but I have seen him witness awful play and greet it with philosophically open arms. "Nah, that fluff is brilliant, he's got that out of his system, so he WON'T be repeating that for the big game on ... so and so..." Clearly this was going on in retrospect today. Tottenham were thumped and Chelsea reminded that everyone that whist currently potless, they were far from done, whipping Westy Ham AT WEST HAM, 4~0.

A day where Grant saw sense and started Cole and Gus Poyet had to stare down Sky's lense again. His remarks were worth looking at.

"It's nothing about what happened after the Carling Cup. We've had three very good days in training and expected to come here and win the game."
Translated: Gus and JR were made to blush by the endlessly recycled pictures of King & Co out on the lash after the Cup win.

"You expect everyone coming into the first team to perform. Sometimes players are asking for opportunities and they had a great chance today. There are no excuses."
Translated: THFC back office staff are currently going through company paperwork looking for the Darren Bent receipt. A day where Dimitar and Jamie both hit the bar and some others wish they might have done the same recently, more discreetly...

Revealed Robinson To Be Replaced

2008-02-29T12:39:00.008+01:00

Hot on the heels of one ITK (Ben on FTL) announcing earlier that Juande Ramos had no real faith in England's Number Four, that his catching abilities were a concern....

"Kameni and Jarque are very interesting players and every player that is interesting is welcome at a club like Tottenham," Our man Gus told RAC1's First Touch programme, 87.7 FM in the Barcelona area.

"Both are on a long list of players that the sporting director has and that the club is looking at to strengthen the squad. The decision on which players will be approached has not been taken."

So there you have it folks. First Marco Amelia's agent confirmed his man was very close to signing now this. If either of these two are landed it is difficult to envisage either coming in purely to replace Cerny and merrily take up the role of Reserve Goalie...

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Juande Ramos: Interview

2008-02-28T18:27:00.009+01:00

Four months in the Premier League and you have won the Carling Cup. Did you expect such a change at the club?
Well, when I landed at the club I never thought about how much time would go by before success arrived but it was essential to urgently change the dynamics of the team because we were immersed in a run of bad results and we have done just that. We have changed the team's results in the Premier League and in both cup competitions and the achievement has been brilliant.

When you arrived, which were the main points you thought that needed changing?
Especially the negative inertia the club was in. We were in a very negative situation and that just took us to obvious defeats. So it was fundamental to change the dynamics and the players' mentality because otherwise, it would have been impossible to move forward.

What made you decide to leave the Spanish league and join the English one, a league I think you have always been attracted to?
Yes, that's right. What made me decide was the chance to be able to work in England as its football has always fascinated me and I have always liked so much. An offer from a club such as Tottenham, a historic club in the British Isles, is what definitely made me accept the offer because I didn't know if another one would come along.

Personally, what's the toughest aspect within your adaptation: the language, the change, the city,...?
I knew what I was getting into and it's true that maybe what I have found the toughest is the change of climate. It's much colder here than in Sevilla!

And what have you liked the most about London?
London is an amazing city, wonderful, and I'm very happy to live here. There are so many
good things about it and the truth is that the experience is being great.
The truth is that it was a wise decision to appoint Gustavo Poyet as your assistant because of the language and his knowledge of the club...
Yes, I think that, as well as Marcos [Álvarez] who I joined Spurs with, all the coaching staff and our work is compact. The truth is that Marcos and I have been the ones who have pushed, along with everyone else, to make this move forward.

And what about this famous nutritional plan?
No, no. That's been given greater importance than it deserves and I think the work has been done by the players.

How would you describe the Premier League and, with the Carling Cup in your pockets, which is the next objective?
The Premier League is one of the most important ones in Europe and the world. It's a great competition where all the matches are spectacular and the stadiums are full. The team's progression at the moment is in full development.
There's a lot of league ahead of us and then there's the UEFA Cup so we have to carry on working and, although our first objective was to make it to the Carling final and we have done that, we have to try to get as far as we can.

Do you feel an aura of success is following you in a way after what you achieved with Sevilla?
Well, it's great to carry on winning titles. It's not that I want to improve all we accomplished with Sevilla but it's very satisfying. We have to carry on this way, carry on working because it's that hard work which has got us this far, but I don't want to think ahead of that.

These are extracts from ESPN Soccernet, the full interview is available here... http://soccernet.espn.go.com/feature?id=511678&cc=5739.

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Chelsea Fans Admit Their Support Is Abysmal

2008-02-27T13:23:00.016+01:00

Chelsea Support

Tremendous Support

"I know people that go now who didn't bother in the days of struggle and only started going when we were started to have success.I don't go so much now but when I have travelled away, I've been shocked to see how watered down our support has become. " footynut

"...and more embarassingly to see on telly, 'fans' were leaving before the end rather than try and support the team towards getting an equaliser made me sick - much more than actually losing. " darkblue

"Couldn't have put it better myself mate. Absolutely shocking support from us, I was embarrassed to be a Chelsea supporter. I think the main problem is our support has gone stale. And can I just ask, how can people sit there in silence for a cup final against our biggest rivals? I just don't get it!!! And even more so, stay sitting there silently when the Spurs fans are ripping us singing "your support is fcuking ****"To be honest I don't know what has annoyed me more, losing to Tottenham in the final or our support getting completely embarrassed by their fans off the pitch."

oh west london

"Chelsea fans expect to much.Chelsea fans (on the whole) do not show as much passion as a lot of other clubs, like Tottenham. Sunday was a bad day for Chelsea FC, not only because of the result but it made a lot of us realise that our support is not as good as we thought these days...we really need to do something about it!"

shedboy 97

"Losing to Spurs in a major cup final really f*cking hurt. I'm still in pain to be honest. But what hurt even more was the lack of passion or vocal backing provided by our so called support. I was in the Upper Tier, back row, so I had a great view of all the Spurs fans. They were all standing; all up for the day and were all full of passion and emotion. I looked down to our bottom tier and I saw everyone sitting down and giving no vocal support whatsoever. It was embarrasing. Surrounding me were a mix of normal looking Chelsea fans, all happy to be sitting there chatting amongst themselves and booing and abusing the players at will. It's Tottenham FFS. Show a bit of f*cking passion. For the sake of us and the club, I do hope things improve. Even walking up Wembley way, they were singing, shouting and abusing our club. And we just bloody took it."

chelsea boy

"I was in block 525, can safely say it was only the two of us singing, and only about twice did we catch onto a song from behind the goal underneath. I stood up with Carefree after they equalised...no one joined in except two blocks in the next block, and when they sang about our support, I looked around, and no one seemd bothered at all about a response...I was constantly asked to sit down, even when we had corners at the other end!"

Sammyblueboy

All quotes are 100% genuine and stolen wholesale from a Chelsea supporter's forum at http://www.cfcnet.co.uk/ Article inspired by a thread on http://www.spurscommunity.co.uk/ , emailed in by Yidon'thavetosayyoulovemejustshowyoucare.

Carling Cup Snaps....

2008-02-26T21:41:00.057+01:00

What becomes of the broken hearted? Hopefully they f*ck off to Barcelona

Dannyboy, I did it all for you, mate!

'Berbatov refuses to look at cup' is the Daily Mail headline.

W*nker.

all pictures c/o sportbox.tv

click this, it's great..... http://www.dearmrlevy.com/

Support This Ridiculous Campaign!

2008-02-26T16:27:00.004+01:00

Jacob Livingstone is the brainchild behind this so you can heap your praise on him. *coughs* Ahem...

The plan is to get a Spurs related tune in the Top Ten. He estimates that this will take about 10,000 sales. "We've had a look on iTunes and it appears to be pretty much devoid of any explicitly Spurs related songs apart from Tip Top Tottenham, which without being too disrespectful, is tosh, " Jacob told me.

"Therefore we've decided to opt for Barry Manilow's legendary anthem 'Can’t Smile Without You'. It's a song that has often been sung at the Lane and and on away trips i does epitomizing the love we all feel for Tottenham Hotspur Football Club." He continued apace.

"The idea is for everyone to go and download (legally, from iTunes) 'Can't Smile Without You' by Sunday lunchtime." It's the Manilow version, but he wants it bought by Sunday lunchtime. Do keep up.

"It only costs 79p and you may even be able to find free download vouchers online somewhere, so there's no excuse. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DOWNLOAD IT FROM iTUNES OR IT WON'T GET REGISTERED This is something that any fan can do, as it's not too expensive and even the least tech-savvy of us should be able to download a song from iTunes! You might say the plan was foolproof, or even Avram Grant proof!"

So there you have it folks. A once in a lifetime opportunity to only spend 79p and yet Rock Out in the name of Spurs at the same time.

There's an iTunes ad on the top right for you >

Chimbonda Should Be Flogged.......Off?

2008-02-26T12:52:00.005+01:00

It was bound to return and bite him in the bottom. From the moment Pascal Chimbonda, match shirt still on, threw his transfer request at Paul Jewel, he was branded mercenary. Wigan for their part were hurt, they didn't want him to go and we paid not through the eyeballs as some suggested, but enough for his signature. I felt we got value.

What we we bought was a Barclays Premiership Dream Team right back. A tireless defender who had come into the top flight and really made his mark. His all round play was excellent, he tackled, won in the air and wasn't shy about bringing the ball up the park.

What we have now is a player forced into making a public apology to his team mates after the Club's greatest day in years. We were losing in a Cup Final and he decided to casually stroll off. He refused to shake with Huddlestone and refused to acknowledge the manager. When one of our bench guys approached him as he went into the tunnel he blatantly told him to get lost.

What we have now is a guy who appears to have lost perspective. I have been sniping some will say, over his play this season. Well earned criticism is what that was. A couple of unspectacular goals scored and Lord knows how many conceded because Sir OutOfPositionALot was nowhere to be seen. Terry and Laursen for two examples of attacking backs who don't jeopardise their primary role.

My interpretation of Chimbonda on Sunday was it was a revealing moment. He's far from a team player and more concerned with his own advancement rather than the greater good. Look, no one wants to be subbed. No one wants to be subbed in a Cup Final. But Juande Ramos has been in the top flight a lot longer than Pascal and ought be shown greater respect. The truculent slow walk was all about saying, 'This guy doesn't know what he's doing'. And it's not on.

While his pals were trying to pull in Faces, he was down a weeks money for pulling faces. Wake up Pascal. You've got a potentially good thing going here at Tottenham. But if you can't join in, you can get your coat.

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Player Ratings & Half Price Shirts

2008-02-25T13:54:00.012+01:00

Ramos 9
He and Poyet have brought not just silverware, but stability and direction to a club 'plagued with pessimism'. It is evident this guy is intelligent and focused. The same whines and whinges WE have been recycling to death on this virtual page and countless others were immediately addressed.

Tottenham was carrying a stock of players (most of whom had either plummeted in value or had little market worth) who had hit their ceiling with regard to what they were capable of and Ramos thanked them for their efforts and duly removed them.

There was a malaise at the club borne out of familiarity and forgery. Yes, Jol did much better than many of he predecessors. Unfortunately, most of them were awful. Hughton was guilty of either not being good enough or guilty of masking his inabilities. His players were overweight show ponies who couldn't win a rosette to save their lives.

Jol passed himself off as a Premiership manager but was revealed as a very likable, very lovable, imitation. Tactically he was shamed again and again. Substitutions that were too late. Substitutions that beggared belief. Picking players that weren't in form. Games were we led were thrown by refusing to do the obvious and finish the other lot off. He opted for what he perceived as the sophisticated route, failing to realise he was incapable of achieving it. He was guilty of demotivating his own squad. Instead of distinct, intelligent leadership he offered best bets and bear hugs.

Ramos has more in store for us, mark my words. This team is not his finished article. There will be more signings, but only where there are deficiencies. Players here now will improve and develop under his control. And Control is what he has in spades. No fatties, no slacking, no excuses. Where once there was a bear hug there is now a bottom line.

Levy's role in all this was to go from being the remote factory owner to sending in the Forensic Accountants without notice. He appointed a new General Manager with a CV that made him sort after. The workers suddenly bucked up. Productivity spiked a little but then they began hemorrhaging goals again. So the new Foreman Mr. Poyet went on the telly. He looked into the interviewer's eyes and said. "It has to stop." No shuffling from foot to foot mumbling about injuries, the need to work on defending, the need to work on er... concentrating... just, "It has to stop."

Robinson6 Up and down.The positioning for the free kick was woeful. But his stop late on against Lampard was good.

Chimbonda 6
What was all that subbing fuss about? I don't like all this I don't wanna come off nonsense. It shows no respect for a man who clearly deserves the respect of all of us. SWP didn't get past him, but then SWP didn't get past anyone.

Hutton 7
Looked every bit a Champions League defender. Anelka was neutralised.

Woodgate 8
An England call up must be on the cards. Solid, intelligent... he won it, bless him.

King 9
Immense. Blocked and bossed the backline. He really is the REAL DEAL.

Lennon 7
Hardly featured in the first half. Made more when switched. BMJ must've been pointing at the telly with his mouth open at that stage. Belleti was being traeted for depression by then.

Jenas 7
Didn't get to ping the ball around, but nor did Lampard. What he did do was shore up the middle with accurate passes and constant running and closing down.

Malbranque 7
All the usual excellent hustle and bustle. Showed real fight. Made Belleti look second rate.

Zokora 7
Some of his tackling would have been more at home in the Superbowl, but all in all he ruined endless Chelsea plays. He won the ball and released it well. One of his finest performances. When will this lunatic score?

Berbatov 8
They doubled up on him to try and snuff him out. Executioner style penalty against one of the World's best goalies.

Keane 7
Tormented Chelsea defenders. Ran his heart out. Wanted it so much. Really felt he captained the team.

Huddlestone 6
Lean and lively.

Tainio 6
Loved him getting a medal. A real soldier. No nonsense contribution.
Kaboul 6
Solid cameo, walked into Chelsea giving it all they had. He was working with professionals which only helped.

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WE ONLY DONE 'EM!

2008-02-24T20:26:00.002+01:00

Tottenham Hotspur have smashed Chelsea.

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WE DONE 'EM!

2008-02-24T15:37:00.007+01:00

Tottenham Hotspur have smashed Chelsea.

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Best Wishes To The Butchered Da Silva

2008-02-24T11:39:00.006+01:00

I just want to extend sincere best wishes to Eduardo Da Silva. Any Spurs fans who can't cope with this can of course, whistle.

Hey, First I run a piece spelling the end of King's career and now a gooner friendly one. This blog is in total free fall, I tells yer...

The extent of the injury is horrific. Irrespective of the jersey on his back no player ought to have to risk such an attack. Taylor? They say the camera doesn't lie and I deliberately include a snap that does him no favours.

Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on this other than to say I genuinely hope the authorities can cause the retard Taylor as much distress as he has caused Da Silva. Rubbish like him shouldn't be allowed to play the game. It wasn't an accident. This type of challenge is outlawed precisely because of this consequence.

Now, good karma duly dealt, I'm off to win a pot!

BIOYC!

BIOYC! Carling Cup Predictions

2008-02-24T10:57:00.007+01:00

My Indian spirit guide, Dave, says 3-2 to the Tottenham. Whilst his info is historically ropey, I can't argue against him. This game has neutrals everywhere interested as the likelyhood of goals galore is somewhere between very high and a bang on certainty.

Seemingly universal hate figure Mark Lawrenson says 2-1 to Tottenham. Sir Bobby Robson thinks Chelsea will 'edge it' as we won't have anything on the bench to change the game should they go ahead. Well, Bob, no one would blame you for looking at Bent and scratching your head, but this is rather conveniently overlooking the plethora of players in the first team who do know where the net is.

My bet is King to score at anytime at 16/1, both teams to score at 8/11 and a 3-2 win which comes in at around 55/1.

My team:

Cerny

Zokora Hutton King Woodgate

Jenas Taarabt Malbranque O'Hara

Berbatov Keane

My guess at Juande's:

Robinson

Zokora King Woodgate Hutton

Chimbonda Jenas Malbranque O'Hara

Berbatov Keane

BIOYC! If You Know Your History...The Faces Of Wembley

2008-02-23T18:10:00.005+01:00

This game brings back fond memories. I wasn't a gleam in the milkman's eye in '67. But the match programme was the first 'expensive' one I added to my collection* when I was about 16. It's still in the attic at the ancestorial home I guess. Bloody well wants to be!

Right that's got me in the mood to watch the Italian Job!

*Darth Vader & Sons, Attorneys At Law are inviting offers on Mr Hotspur's Collection in excess of One Million Dollars.

BIOYC! ....The Will Harris Tape

2008-02-23T01:19:00.010+01:00

Well the build up is... oooh, you know, building up. The only words of wisdom I can provide is that I'm told endlessly King WILL START. We'll do a team prediction in the Prematch Prattle.

To get us in the mood, here's a quality production from Top Tottenham Chap Will.

Many thanks again Will...

BIOYC!

Newcastle Relaunch Relegation Bid

2008-02-22T16:05:00.006+01:00

The Footballing Free World was shaken to it's foundations this afternoon, mostly with suppressed giggles, as the heavily snoozing giant of the North, Newcastle United, snatched tactical supremo Chris Hughton from under the very noses of er...

The audacious swoop came just hours after Toon Tsar Mike Ashley had polished off an extensive Owl Yows Con Eat Mun buffet in downtown eaterie Tigerat Mering with friend and stunt double and Paul Kemsley.

'Hahaha...*burp* erghhuh *coughs* , shhhhhut up. Nah, f*ck off I'm serious. Shhhh, it's ringing. Get us another one of them lamb things....*burp*, Christopher? Alright son, guess who?..."

Hughts has yet to publicly confirm the appointment, however it is thought that privately he has always had a soft spot for money. 'This is a match made in paradise,' said an insider, 'Chris is a coach with very limited talents and Toon is a fabulous place to hide on a massive salary.'

Kevin Keegan , amatuer football manager and fully qualified psychiatrist would only add that Paul Gascoigne being sectioned under the Mental Health Act could well be ' a turning point for him.' Other turning points presumably might then include contracting bowel cancer or becoming blind.

Manager of Staples Newcastle, Mr Y.I Pett, confirmed today recruiting extra staff for both their Clipboard and Pencil departments had begun, in earnest.

Spurs vs Slavia Prague HIGHLIGHTS & Player Ratings

2008-02-22T14:54:00.002+01:00

Tottenham 1 - Slavia Prague 1 - The top video clips of the week are here

Robinson:6.82
Made some decent saves and I can see him playing the final. Should've told players back passing to him to naff off however.

Chimbonda:4.77
I think I've got Chimbonda issues. I don't like the wildcard routine and I'm getting bored saying it. JR & Gus need to decide if they do.

Kaboul:4.76
Sometimes mighty, sometimes not. Didn't wow me last night.

Woodgate:5.36
Did well enough. No complaints.

Tainio:4.13
I'm a Teemu fan, but he wasn't on the pace at all.

Lennon:6.41
Fizzed and whizzed but no super duper AL performance...

Huddlestone:6.31
Can't remember seeing him run so much.. No real magic though.

Zokora:6.46
Much prefer him deeper. His tackling and harrying are excellent.

O'Hara:7.03
Liked the goal and loved his attitude. A fighter. More please.

Malbranque:5.67
Didn't get to do much. It was all SP at that stage...

Jenas:5.84
Looked hungry enough.

Bent:3.04
Imposter. I honestly wonder if he'd make the grade beyond the likes of tat like Fulham. Singed with high hopes and is now a constant dissappointment. Makes me glum glum glum...

Berbatov:7.01
Loads went via him and we looked half the outfit when he went off.

Keane:5.72
Came on and did have a go, but little impact.

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Ledley King To Retire After Final

2008-02-22T14:07:00.004+01:00

Well here's a nasty one. Word just in from a couple of sources one of which is invariably golden, "I think it could be his last game for Spurs." another said, "He plans to lift the Cup and then retire..."

There has been a cover up job running on the true extent of King's medical health as I have been saying for a good while now. It was decided some time back by some fans who see themselves as further up the food chain than you and me that the truth was too unpalatable for us mortals and we were instead to be fobbed off into a revolving door of sicknotes various.

Would this be a disaster? Of course, irrespective of just how few games he's played in recent times. Yet since the appointment of Ramos and Poyet my feelings are that we are far better placed to weather this than ever before.

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Spurs In Europe: Prematch Prattle

2008-02-21T07:22:00.004+01:00

Training yesterday...

Despite the Carling Cup Final a loomin' I think JR will still field a decent side against this lot. They need beating. And whilst they weren't too easy on the eye, they didn't kick bits out of us at any stage really either. We can only pray that no one twists an ankle or an eyelash...

Team? The mumbles are that choirmaster Robinson will return tonight... let's hope if that's the case he's mended. I expect O'Hara to start and would dearly love Bent to start as well. A goal or two from Benty would be just the ticket to get him in the mood for the Wembley bench. That sounds harsh, but they all need to be fired up, whatever their role, eh?

Spurs are very much favourites and you aren't going to get rich here. 2-0 to us is 7/1. More appeal might be from something like Woodgate to come up and do the business from a corner as an anytime scorer 11/1.

Televisual coverage is just ITV4, so good luck with that. But should you get stuck don't forget our old fiends at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/london.shtml .

2-0 says me. Bent and..... ooh go on then, Chimbonda.

COYS!

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Robinson Leads Spurs

2008-02-20T21:03:00.004+01:00

Here's a reason to be cheerful.
Some footage that suggests that there ain't anything too rotten in Denmark.

Cerny certainly gave the Redtops an easy story with his 'howler' against Slavia Prague. And The Daily Torygraph ~ a quality paper with some quality writers in it's Sports Section, in fairness, is running with PR being recalled for the UEFA home leg and an assumption that if all goes well he'll get the nod over Radek for the final.

Is the clip here simply PR from PR? Has Cerny been short changed? Afterall, had Robbo himself been deposed after just one foul-up....

As ever, your thoughts gentiles and gentlemen please!

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Jermaine Jenas ~ The Marmite Factor ~ Vote Now!

2008-02-19T20:48:00.010+01:00

To the tune of The Jean Genie? ... How awful ...

"Jermaine Jenas

He loves to attack

Jermaine Jenas

He loves to attack

He's outrageous

He shoots and he scores

Jermaine Jenas

England Applaudes

England Applaudes"

After the tetchy debate over elephatine bathing assistants...one man who's without a song of any description is the midfield miracle that is Jermaine Jenas.

He's Marmite.

You either love him or loathe him.

Either way, what isn't debatable is that when he does come good, his goals or killer passes are a wonderful sight. And just as he frequently deserves the despairing groans, he equally deserves the praise of a good song. Above is my considered creation. Give us yours !

AND...

To vote JJ Carling Cup Player Of The Tournament visit the link below...

http://www.carlingcup.premiumtv.co.uk/page/News/0,,11995~1240719,00.html

So far it's our boy in front with SWP snapping at his heels... well, over twenty points behind, but let's seal it, eh?

BIOYC!

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Some Spurs 'Fans' Are Pitiful Racists. Let's Dump'em.

2008-02-16T22:05:00.016+01:00

"Adebayor, Adebayoooor His dad washes elephants and his mother's a wh*re..."

Those, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, are the words warbled what was witnessed. For those members of the jury located in the cheaper seats who may wish to enter into debate over the existance of such chants here's some prime facie evidencia discordia for yer viewing consuming....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGC23v4ijjQ

It is my view is that it is 100% racist on the basis that I find it impossible to imagine a song being sung about ANY caucasian player that involved elephant washing. And I'd be fascinated to hear any counter argument. How in the name of God could I stand next to a fellow Tottenham fan who wasn't as much of a WHITEY as me and sing this? It's a barbaric disgrace these morons are actually allowed into ANY footy ground in the 21st century.

PC Overkill? Not on my shift...
But make no mistake folks, next stop on the Big Racist Doubledecker bus from Elephantwasher Street is Dumbn*gger Avenue.

Consequently, those that feature on the clip that I won't embed and the terraces beyond can naff right off. Go support West Ham or better yet, Chelsea.

As ever, your thoughts... maketh the blog...

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Tottenham Fans Phone In

2008-02-15T22:37:00.006+01:00

Now this isn't new, in so much I received this email late yesterday...

Spurs fans have been calling the Arsenal Souvineer shop (based in The Emptycrates) in their droves and the conversation basically goes a little something like this...

Spurs fan: "Do you sell DVDs from previous games?"

Ar5ena1 employee: "Yes mate."

Spurs fan: "Do you have any from the game against Spurs at White Hart Lane last month? They've run out."

Ar5ena1 employee: "I am sick to death of you ars*holes ringing up.

*Hangs up abruptly*

Whilst I would never openly encourage anyone to make hoax calls or disrupt a legitimate business...

The shop is called 'The Armoury' and their number is 0207 704 4120.
Their opening hours are - Monday - Saturday 9.30am - 5.30pm and Sunday 10am - 4pm.

Again, their number is 0207 704 4120...

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HALF TIME HARRY'S HIGHLIGHTS

2008-02-14T22:12:00.004+01:00

This game has not been electric. Am I complaining that we are winning 2~0 away in Europe? No, of course not, but Slavia Prague aren't fun to watch and the game has 'a going throught the motions' feel about it.

Cerny has had little to do, but very much looks the part. Berba is everywhere, looking everybit a solid European star. Tainio and Steed are getting stuck in. Woodgate made the first goal and since then has had, like the rest of the back four that includes Zokora, nothing to do.

Jenas is hustling as is Huddlestone, with Keane contributing the same volume of little flicks as Lennon. Keane's goal was nice, but all our good work is largely down to the forgettable opposition.

I would like to see the entire bench brought on. Hold up, here's O'Hara for Teemu.

The best site for highlights on the web is http://www.101greatgoals.com/

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